Practically Blogging

”Joe, what‘s up with the wisdom thing?”

I can’t believe how many have asked about Practically Wisdom.

”Joe, everything okay with you and the wife?”
”Joe, break more ribs?.”
”Joe, did you get voted off the island?”

For those of you who really care, I’m here to explain.
I think it all started with my broken ribs and then my February vacation. I was away from blogging and remembering how lazy I can be. Boy, I really enjoy vegetating in front of the television. There’s American Idol, The Big Bang Theory, How I met Your Mother, Two and a Half Men, all the Law and Orders, The Red Sox, The Bruins, The Celtics, House, Desperate Housewives, Burn Notice, Saving Grace, Survivor, the ending of ER, the beginning of Southland, now I’m watching the new show called The Unusuals, then there’s the return of the most awesome Rescue Me, soon there will be So You Think You Can Dance and Big Brother … Well … I think you get the idea … and I’m sure I missed a few.

I have a few excuses to justify my sinking into laziness.
Let’s see … there’s my continuing 50 hour a week job, the blues and most importantly, my own practical wisdom while reflecting on the whole blogging idea.

To my non-blogging readers, I need you to know that blogging, at least the way I’ve been doing it, takes a lot of time and effort. Most of you are personal friends who know my sense of humor. Some of you find me witty, some of you find me quick witted, some of you find me clever and some find me corny or hilarious. There is also the chance that maybe this assessment is just me being delusional. Well … to sum that all up … you don’t blog but you read my posts.

To those of you who are bloggers … How do you friggin’ do it??? I admire every single one of you! From my short list of “Practically Friends” noted on my home page, to the 150 or so bloggers I subscribe to in my Google Reader and to the many commenters, commenting on other blogger’s posts I click to check out … who are you people and how do you friggin’ do it???

Do any of you work? Do you really have these kids and family members you write about?
How do you find the time? How can you be so funny all the time? WTF!!!

I started my blog because I like to make people smile and laugh. But, nobody is going to allow me the opportunity to make them smile or laugh if they don’t read what I write. Accomplishing this has been largely a time consuming ordeal. It was averaging about two hours putting together my post and about 52 hours trying to get people to read it.

For my non-blogging friends it hasn’t been too difficult. I send an e-mail or post a link on my Facebook page. Quick and easy, but I’m only reaching a small percentage of my readers. Note* … a small family and not many friends.

But you guys in cyberspace, geeeez, what a job it is to keep you coming back.
Fifty-two hours of work may be an exaggeration, but for someone like me with a full time job and all that TV to watch, it has really done a number on me.

I really, really love reading all your blogs. You are a talented bunch. I love commenting on your blogs, it not only gives me a chance to show you how delightfully witty I can be, but those comments I leave sometimes entices you to visit my blog and leave your own comments. As I’m sure it is for all of you when you receive comments, it is the greatest satisfaction for me, knowing you read my words. Each time I received a comment it made it all worth while.

I guess I grew tired but didn’t realize it until I was away convalescing with broken ribs and then when I was away on my February vacation. It was difficult for me to get back my rhythm, find my MoJo, my desire to dedicate the hours needed to continue my quest for being known throughout the humor-blogging community.

Yes, I’m still unsure of how I’ll continue from this point.
I very much miss being a part of it all.
Maybe I should just retire and make this a full time gig like I’m sure it is for all of you unbelievable bloggers.

All My Tears, They Feel Like Rain

I've had the Blues for way too long now.

Where's the Dollar?

"Okay kid. Where’s the other dollar?"
"Honest sir, he only gave me five. I swear!"
"Kid, do you think I’m stupid? Do you think I was born yesterday? Does it look like I just fell off the turnip truck? (I’m not even sure what that means.)"
"Sir, with all due respect, the manager gave me five, I gave you three and I kept only two."
"Listen kid, I know how to count. If you don’t have it, where is it?"
"Sir, with all due respect, I don’t know where it went. I’m not even sure it’s missing!"
Is he lying? I think you need to know the whole story to decide.

There were three of us traveling together. We needed a place to stay overnight. We spotted a sign on the door to an old bed and breakfast.
"Stay Here Tonight … $10.00", it said.
We went in and asked the gentleman behind the desk for three rooms.
"I’m sorry guys, I only have one room available. Would you like to share the one room?"
After a brief discussion amongst ourselves we agreed to share the room.
The gentleman charged us $10.00 each and collected our $30.00.
There was a young kid mulling about whom he instructed to show us to our room.

About an hour later the manager called for the kid.
"Kid, I feel bad I charged those guys $30.00 for sharing a room."
He handed the kid five ones and told him to return it to us.
The kid, on his way to deliver the money thought it would be much easier to give us just three dollars back (because after all, there were three of us) and then keep two for himself.
We happily accepted the three ones, which we split between us and when we attempted to tip the kid he wouldn’t accept it, admitting to keeping two for himself.

"Hold on just one second there, kid!" I said.
Getting a dollar back each means we paid $27 for the room … Originally we gave him $10 each equaling $30. Now, getting a dollar back each we only paid $9 each. So … 3 times $9 is $27 … the kid kept $2 … making it $29 …
Where did the other dollar go?

Uncle Danny ... From Sleep into Sleep

Dan was a WW II Navy Veteran & a career Merchant Marine
9/5/1926 - 3/2/2009

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
-George Bernard Shaw

Cancun, Revisited

I’d like to share all the details of my vacation with you but due to tequila circumstances beyond my control … I’m grateful I still have these memories.

Domenica: "So, did you get some Pesos?"
Me: "Yep, I think I’ve got about 723, 471 Pesos."
Domenica: "What! How much did you give them?"
Me: "In dollars?"
Domenica: "What the hell! Did I miss a layover in China where you picked up some yen?"

Domenica: "I can’t believe we’re doing food shopping."
Me: "I can’t believe we’re doing it here in a Mexican Wal-Mart."
Domenica: "We’ll, we do have a kitchen. We may as well cook some meals."
Me: "It’s the least we can do, they did give us the best bedroom."
Domenica: ”What’s with Don?"
Me: "I’m not sure … It kind of looks like … he’s had a couple."
Son-in-Don: "Wooooo Hoooo! Free tequila and rum samples in aisle five!"

Domenica: "I hate wearing this wrist band."
Me: "Honey, ignore it. It’s for our discounts and our two-for-one drinks."
Domenica: "Yeah, but I feel like it’s choking me."
Me: "It’s on you freekin’ wrist!"
Domenica: "I ain’t wearing it!"
Me: "I need a margarita."
Domenica: "Good, you have on your wrist band that means we get two."
Me: "But I want two … You make me need two margaritas."
Domenica: "Then ask for two! They'll give you four. And hurry up, I’m thirsty!"

Me: "Honey, aren’t you excited, this is our first time snorkeling."
Domenica: "Yeah, that’s what I am, excited."
Me: "I think I have this mask on correctly, I’m going in."
Domenica: "You go ahead, I’m right behind you."
Me (Coming up and pulling out my mouthpiece): "Wow! OMG! Look! Right under this pier … tons of fish."
Domenica wearing her mask, sticks her face into the water…)
Domenica: "Yep! Fish! Well, I had enough!"
Me: "Now there’s money well spent."
Domenica: "Hey, this trip does include all you can drink. Amanda! Margaritas!"
Amanda: "You don’t have to ask me twice!"

Jimmy: "Are you paying for that in pesos or dollars?"
Me: "I don’t know. I need my cheat sheet."
Jimmy: "Just multiply by ten. If it’s 50 pesos then give them $5.00 … they’ll like you because you really gave them more than 50 pesos."
Me: "I think I got it. So, I’d really be giving them a little extra."
(Later in the week…)
Me: "I don’t think that waiter likes us."
Domenica: "Why, you’ve been tipping them good, haven’t you?"
Me: "Of course, every day, Jimmy taught me to give them a little more."
Domenica: "So what did you give him the last time?"
Me: "I definitely remember giving him five pesos."
Jimmy: "Good work! You gave him 33 cents."

Me: "Wow! Coco Bongos is awesome."
Domenica: "Yeh … This table is great!"
Me: "I’ll have a beer and a shot of tequila please!"
Domenica: "Same for me." Me (looking up and pointing to the sexy blonde dancing on the bar): "Have the camera ready, I’m gonna be up there dancing with her."
Domenica (looking up at the bar): "Oh, are you?"
Me: "Hey! Wait! I was only kidding. Where are you going?"

Me: "Let’s get some snacks before we board."
Domenica: "Oh, good idea, Carla’s already in line."
(At the airport store)
Carla: "Hurry, I’m next in line. Give those to me."
Me: "I’ll have this, this, these, this and she’ll have those."
Store Clerk: "That will be $44.50 please."
Me: "Huh. Wait. These Mexican nuts must be expensive. I’m putting these back."
Store Clerk: "That will be $37.00 please."
Carla: "Don’t look at me, I only have this water."
Me: "Huh? Crap! Okay, I’m putting these back too, and this."
Store Clerk: "That will be $34.00 please."
Me: "What? Okay, okay, just pay it!"
Domenica: "What the hell did you buy?"
Me: "Carla, let me see the receipt … three waters, M&Ms, GummyBears … Planter’s Nuts ..."
Domenica: "Why you looking at me?"
Me: "That small can of Planter’s Nuts was $14.00!"
Domenica: "Well, they are imported you know."

Domenica: "Joe, you have the key, right?"
Me: "Yes. Right here. Ah, home sweet home."
Domenica: "Everything seems okay, just as we left it."
Me: "I’m hungry, is there anything in the fridge?"
Domenica: "Nope. Shall we order out?"
Me: "Might as well. Chinese?"
Domenica: "Sounds good, let’s go."
Restaurant clerk: "That will be $24.50 please."
Domenica: "Even with this?"
Me: "What! Now you’re wearing your 30% off wrist band?"
Domenica: "So, where are we going next year?"