A lot has happened over the years so I thought I’d take some time and re-cap for anyone interested. I’m back and ready to tickle the computer keys.
Please say “hello” if you’re still out there.
"Okay kid. Where’s the other dollar?"
"Honest sir, he only gave me five. I swear!"
"Kid, do you think I’m stupid? Do you think I was born yesterday? Does it look like I just fell off the turnip truck? (I’m not even sure what that means.)"
"Sir, with all due respect, the manager gave me five, I gave you three and I kept only two."
"Listen kid, I know how to count. If you don’t have it, where is it?"
"Sir, with all due respect, I don’t know where it went. I’m not even sure it’s missing!"
Is he lying? I think you need to know the whole story to decide.
There were three of us traveling together. We needed a place to stay overnight. We spotted a sign on the door to an old bed and breakfast.
"Stay Here Tonight … $10.00", it said.
We went in and asked the gentleman behind the desk for three rooms.
"I’m sorry guys, I only have one room available. Would you like to share the one room?"
After a brief discussion amongst ourselves we agreed to share the room.
The gentleman charged us $10.00 each and collected our $30.00.
There was a young kid mulling about whom he instructed to show us to our room.
About an hour later the manager called for the kid.
"Kid, I feel bad I charged those guys $30.00 for sharing a room."
He handed the kid five ones and told him to return it to us.
The kid, on his way to deliver the money thought it would be much easier to give us just three dollars back (because after all, there were three of us) and then keep two for himself.
We happily accepted the three ones, which we split between us and when we attempted to tip the kid he wouldn’t accept it, admitting to keeping two for himself.
"Hold on just one second there, kid!" I said.
Getting a dollar back each means we paid $27 for the room … Originally we gave him $10 each equaling $30. Now, getting a dollar back each we only paid $9 each. So … 3 times $9 is $27 … the kid kept $2 … making it $29 …
Where did the other dollar go?
I’d like to share all the details of my vacation with you but due to tequila circumstances beyond my control … I’m grateful I still have these memories.
Domenica: "So, did you get some Pesos?"
Me: "Yep, I think I’ve got about 723, 471 Pesos."
Domenica: "What! How much did you give them?"
Me: "In dollars?"
Domenica: "What the hell! Did I miss a layover in China where you picked up some yen?"
Domenica: "I can’t believe we’re doing food shopping."
Me: "I can’t believe we’re doing it here in a Mexican Wal-Mart."
Domenica: "We’ll, we do have a kitchen. We may as well cook some meals."
Me: "It’s the least we can do, they did give us the best bedroom."
Domenica: ”What’s with Don?"
Me: "I’m not sure … It kind of looks like … he’s had a couple."
Son-in-Don: "Wooooo Hoooo! Free tequila and rum samples in aisle five!"
Domenica: "I hate wearing this wrist band."
Me: "Honey, ignore it. It’s for our discounts and our two-for-one drinks."
Domenica: "Yeah, but I feel like it’s choking me."
Me: "It’s on you freekin’ wrist!"
Domenica: "I ain’t wearing it!"
Me: "I need a margarita."
Domenica: "Good, you have on your wrist band that means we get two."
Me: "But I want two … You make me need two margaritas."
Domenica: "Then ask for two! They'll give you four. And hurry up, I’m thirsty!"
Me: "Honey, aren’t you excited, this is our first time snorkeling."
Domenica: "Yeah, that’s what I am, excited."
Me: "I think I have this mask on correctly, I’m going in."
Domenica: "You go ahead, I’m right behind you."
Me (Coming up and pulling out my mouthpiece): "Wow! OMG! Look! Right under this pier … tons of fish."
Domenica wearing her mask, sticks her face into the water…)
Domenica: "Yep! Fish! Well, I had enough!"
Me: "Now there’s money well spent."
Domenica: "Hey, this trip does include all you can drink. Amanda! Margaritas!"
Amanda: "You don’t have to ask me twice!"
Jimmy: "Are you paying for that in pesos or dollars?"
Me: "I don’t know. I need my cheat sheet."
Jimmy: "Just multiply by ten. If it’s 50 pesos then give them $5.00 … they’ll like you because you really gave them more than 50 pesos."
Me: "I think I got it. So, I’d really be giving them a little extra."
(Later in the week…)
Me: "I don’t think that waiter likes us."
Domenica: "Why, you’ve been tipping them good, haven’t you?"
Me: "Of course, every day, Jimmy taught me to give them a little more."
Domenica: "So what did you give him the last time?"
Me: "I definitely remember giving him five pesos."
Jimmy: "Good work! You gave him 33 cents."
Me: "Wow! Coco Bongos is awesome."
Domenica: "Yeh … This table is great!"
Me: "I’ll have a beer and a shot of tequila please!"
Domenica: "Same for me." Me (looking up and pointing to the sexy blonde dancing on the bar): "Have the camera ready, I’m gonna be up there dancing with her."
Domenica (looking up at the bar): "Oh, are you?"
Me: "Hey! Wait! I was only kidding. Where are you going?"
Me: "Let’s get some snacks before we board."
Domenica: "Oh, good idea, Carla’s already in line."
(At the airport store)
Carla: "Hurry, I’m next in line. Give those to me."
Me: "I’ll have this, this, these, this and she’ll have those."
Store Clerk: "That will be $44.50 please."
Me: "Huh. Wait. These Mexican nuts must be expensive. I’m putting these back."
Store Clerk: "That will be $37.00 please."
Carla: "Don’t look at me, I only have this water."
Me: "Huh? Crap! Okay, I’m putting these back too, and this."
Store Clerk: "That will be $34.00 please."
Me: "What? Okay, okay, just pay it!"
Domenica: "What the hell did you buy?"
Me: "Carla, let me see the receipt … three waters, M&Ms, GummyBears … Planter’s Nuts ..."
Domenica: "Why you looking at me?"
Me: "That small can of Planter’s Nuts was $14.00!"
Domenica: "Well, they are imported you know."
Domenica: "Joe, you have the key, right?"
Me: "Yes. Right here. Ah, home sweet home."
Domenica: "Everything seems okay, just as we left it."
Me: "I’m hungry, is there anything in the fridge?"
Domenica: "Nope. Shall we order out?"
Me: "Might as well. Chinese?"
Domenica: "Sounds good, let’s go."
Restaurant clerk: "That will be $24.50 please."
Domenica: "Even with this?"
Me: "What! Now you’re wearing your 30% off wrist band?"
Domenica: "So, where are we going next year?"
My apologies to anyone wondering where I’ve been.
No … I'm not in the hospital with more broken ribs!
No … The wife hasn’t thrown me out.
No … I’m not locked in a shrimp truck or stuck in my closet.
I am far, far away … living on a beach.
I wish you were all here.
I’ll be out of the country until after Valentines Day.
I promise to catch up with all of you soon after my return.
Guess where I am.
If you’re correct … I’m firing our travel agent.