Thursday, June 19, 2008

PracticallyJoe Unveiled


“Joe, get up now, you know you’re not going back to sleep.”
”Wait! Who said that?”
“Oh, you again, why are you waking me, you know we haven’t had much sleep.”
I know I’m alone in the house, so it had to be “inner-thinner Joe”.
“Inner-thinner Joe” is that person inside of me who runs the whole show.
His real name is just “inner-Joe”, but I nicknamed him “inner-thinner Joe” because I know he’s about 20 pounds lighter than I would like to be.
After all … how else would he fit inside me?
You don’t know this about me. I’m sort of a ventriloquist.
I often talk to myself (or to “inner-Joe") but you wouldn’t know it.
My lips don’t move when “inner-Joe” and I are conversing.
Some people can’t help moving their mouths when they talk to themselves.
Listeners and onlookers often perceive these conversationalists as crazy people.
They’re probably not crazy. They’re probably just like me, only not ventriloquists.
“Come on Joe, get up. Don’t you close those eyes again!”
“Inner-Joe” is often annoying. He likes to have his way.
Once “inner-Joe” talks my brain into doing something, the rest of me just goes along with it, no matter how inappropriate, daring or idiotic the act.
Right now, I’m tired. I’ve only had about six hours sleep and for reasons yet unknown to me I feel I have to get up out of bed.
“That a boy! No, don’t take the pillow, set it back down on the bed and go straight to the bathroom and pee.”
Most of the time “inner-Joe” and I see eye-to-eye. Understandably, that isn’t physically possible, but, you know what I mean, we usually agree.
Other times, we act like we’re complete opposites.
Like when “inner-Joe” insists we start exercising today, but I can’t lift my ass out of bed. Or like when the wife asks me a question I should know better not to answer and “inner-Joe” says “Don’t answer! Don’t answer!” and I answer ... “Of course she’s hot … uh … But not as hot as you honey.”
“Inner-Joe” get’s angry with me when I get us in trouble.
He often forces me to stub my toe. I hate when he does that.
But, in my defense, there must be someone else in there with “inner-Joe”, maybe “oblivious-Joe” or “just plain stupid-Joe”.
No … “inner-Joe” insists ”It’s just me in here.”
“Come on Joe, lets go have some coffee and check our e-mail.”
So, I’m up now, sitting here with my coffee in front of the computer, typing this.
Wait a minute! That’s it!
I just realized … “inner-Joe” is really “PracticallyJoe”!
That is ... not quite "Joe" ... but "PracticallyJoe"!
Who would of thought?
“Okay, Joe, get it posted!”
“Wait! Who said that???”

5 comments:

Malicious Intent said...

Well of course we all talk to ourselves, otherwise no one would listen to us!

However, I do think you may need to tweak your medication dosage just a wee bit. You may be relating to your inner self just a bit to much for even those of us who are admittedly strange, twisted and warped.

Random Chick said...

I have to agree with Malicious Intent on the medication thing...

Random Chick said...

BTW...I added you to my "Random Blog-O-Rama!" Whooo Hooo!

catscratch diva said...

Please tell me... how in the world have I never found any kind of Joe until now??

PracticallyJoe said...

Malicious: I know your "inner-you"... A wonderful, scary, beautiful heaven and hell!

Random: You and me ... we roll together!

Diva: I've been lost ... but now I've been found. Please return me. I promise to visit.