Saturday, August 30, 2008

I'm an Adbay Oybay


“Joe, what is that? Is that a dirty picture?”
“Honey, no, of course not.”
“It looks like it to me. Is that for your blog?”
“Uhm, well, yeah, I was thinking of using it. It’s an ad for a new type of drink.”
“Right, uh-huh, it’s an ad. Suck and Blow, uh-huh right.”
“Really, hon, it’s from one of my restaurant trade magazines.”
“I can’t believe you’re going to put dirty pictures on your blog like those others I saw.”
I recently introduced her to some fellow bloggers, just to see her reaction. At one point I clicked over to ... ATTENTION!!! ... THIS IS PRACTICALLY AN ALERT CONCERNING THE FOLLOWING LINK ... CAUTION!!! ... ADULT HUMOR!!! ... CAUTION!!! ... I REALLY MEAN IT ... CAUTION!!! ... PROCEDE AT YOUR OWN RISK ... CAUTION!!! ... YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED ... CAUTION!!! (I promise that was the last CAUTION!!! ... oops! sorry) ... Infomaniac. Her jaw dropped as we scrolled down to the “Filthy Friday” posts. I never realized her eyes could pop open like they did. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. I explained the blog was different from mine because the blogger, who is from Canada and calls herself “MJ”, uses a lot of pictures to tell her stories. Most of them are a bit ... risque.
“Are these supposed to be funny?”
I couldn’t keep myself from laughing, mostly because of the expression on her face.
“Well, yeah, you don’t see the humor in these pictures? You have to read her words as well, so you can understand the pictures and her stories.”
“I just can’t believe them. Are they real people?”
“Of course they are honey.”
“Are these pictures of her and her friends?”
“ Well, no. Well, I don’t think so. She probably gets these pictures from somewhere on the Internet.”
“So now you’re going to use dirty pictures too? Please don’t. I like the way you’ve been doing it."
“ No, sweetie. Honest. I was going to write about something I read in a work magazine about a bar drinking gadget called Suck and Blow and the picture just shows two girls using the Suck and Blow tube.”
“Well, I don’t think you should change the way you’ve been doing your blog. You don’t need to be using sex to make yourself interesting."
“But, honey, what’s so wrong to once in a while show another part of my personality, you know, not the funny part but the, well, the “bad boy” side of me?”
“Hahahahahahaha … Oh, Joe … Hahahahahahaha … The “bad boy” side … see, that’s where you’re interesting … the funny side. When did you become a “bad boy”? Hahahahahaha.”
“Ooday ouyay owknay utwhay I’m ayingsay?”
“Huh? What?”
“I’ll owshay ouyay adbay oybay!”
“What? I’m not playing this game with you! I’m going back upstairs! You be dirty if you want to!”
“Ootay adbay! I essguay eelshay evernay owknay ootay ickclay on isthay inklay."

31 comments:

just bob said...

Good heavens man... you can't just show someone MJ's blog without warning them first! And it was your wife. You'll be lucky if she's only scarred for a few days and doesn't have any permanent damage.

On to the "suck and blow"... you must explain it to me. I assume you fill the tube with a shot, one side "blows" the shot over to the other who "sucks" it and swallows?

Practically Joe said...

just bob: "Good heavens man... you can't just show someone MJ's blog without warning them first!"
just me: OMG ... you are sooooo right! ... I immediately added a warning before the "infomaniac" link. You may have saved me from losing some of my blogging commenters ... No offense MJ (I love you!) And as far as spring MJ on my wife ... the results only added to the seemingly endless material my wife offers.

just bob: "On to the "suck and blow"... you must explain it to me. I assume you fill the tube with a shot, one side "blows" the shot over to the other who "sucks" it and swallows?"
just joe: Oh ... so that's how you do it. Thanks for all your help.

MJ said...

You're telling me you actually read the WORDS on my posts?

MJ said...

p.s. I'm having a nice clean pool party today.

Bring your swimsuit and snorkel.

Heather said...

Aw, you can't show stuff like that to sweet little ladies like your wife.

Confessions of A Mississippi Mom said...

I have to say if my dh didn't look at dirty stuff or if that is what your wife think that photo was then I assume dh is gay, I'm just saying

oh if you let her view mental poo blog ummm no wander she went upstairs

Jay said...

AAGGHH!!! MY EYES!!!!

Good grief ... people doing that sort of thing publicly ought to be pretty people. *shakes finger*

You are an adbay oybay. And, dammit, I'm probably an adbay irlgay, come to that, because not only did I LOOK at that site, and read the words, but saying that only pretty people should be photographed naked is most awfully politically incorrect.

*Slaps own wrist*

Practically Joe said...

mj: "You're telling me you actually read the WORDS on my posts?"
Me: Well, yeah ... you're not just eye candy, you know.

mj: "p.s. I'm having a nice clean pool party today.
Bring your swimsuit and snorkel."

Me: ... and my floaties too!

Heather "Aw, you can't show stuff like that to sweet little ladies like your wife."
Me: It was like hitting her with a taser shot.

Mississippi mom: "oh if you let her view mental poo blog ummm no wander she went upstairs"
Me: Welcome Miss mom ... thanks for visiting.
It's funny you should mention Moog ... I did have her click over to Mental Poo and I was shocked ... She looked the page up and down and actually said "WTF!" ... not the words ... just the letters W-T-F! It was the first time I ever heard her say that! OMG! She's like a child learning new words.

jay: "Good grief ... people doing that sort of thing publicly ought to be pretty people."
Me: Adbay Ayjay! But I have to agree ... but pretty people posing like that just ain't as funny.

Ken said...

Hey Joe just had to come see what your blog was like LMAO. how in the H.E. double tooth picks did you keep up with all that? were you running a recorder?!.

I don't drink but hey if that thing catches on I mite start going to more bars!

Mike said...

I think the problem starts with letting you wife know you have a blog. She will always be your hardest critic. I should know, I made the same mistake. Hell, my wife comments on my blog for the whole world (they few who read it) to see...

catscratch said...

yay! First I was featured over at MJs as a nekkid swimmer, then I come over here and find lessons on sucking and blowing.

What an exciting weekend I'm havin!

Robyn said...

Oh I so want one of those...where can we get those...come over and tell me! I gotta get one! LOL!

Come by and check out what is happening at my place! And pass it on!

MJ said...

Just so you know, I assigned you to pool cleaning duty.

HappyHourSue said...

My husband is always trying to censor me. "Why are you always talking about Joe Jonas" blah blah blah. Start your own damn blog.

Thanks for supporting my Not-Hotness.

Dolce said...

Ahh...the ever loving blog world were no spouses are (kind of)allowed and freely give their opinion.

Welcome my friend!

Meg said...

Oh gosh. I don't even bother showing real people what I do online. They don't get it.

I don't get pig latin.

xyu95 said...

I just LOVE Piglatin

The Offended Blogger said...

Well, send her to my blog that will ease her mind! :)

just a girl... said...

Sounds like somebody is in trouble!

MJ said...

Do you think Joe's wife has him handcuffed and trussed up somewhere?

Maybe she's banned him from blogging!

xyu95 said...

i'm sure his wife has not handcuffed him yet. his wrists look fine when he was hanging up the UNISEX signs for the bathroom last night.

Always Home and Uncool said...

Ah. The ol' suck and blow. Where can I get one?

Practically Joe said...

ken: "I don't drink but hey if that thing catches on I mite start going to more bars!
me: I'm sure the Suck and Blow can be used with other beverages such as milk, soft drinks and juices ... though I wouldn't try it with hot coffee.

mike: "Hell, my wife comments on my blog for the whole world to see"
me: I've checked that out ... she's a keeper!

catscratch: "yay! First I was featured over at MJs as a nekkid swimmer, then I come over here and find lessons on sucking and blowing."
me: You are a very popular gal with her finger on the pulse of all that's new. I'm honored to part of your excitement.

robyn: "Oh I so want one of those...where can we get those...come over and tell me!"
me: Where else but at ... www.suckandblow.com ... also at your local Spencer's Gift Store.

mj: "Just so you know, I assigned you to pool cleaning duty."
me: I'll be wearing gloves and a diver's suit ... after your party ... God only knows what's been deposited in that pool.

happyhoursue: "My husband is always trying to censor me. "Why are you always talking about Joe Jonas" blah blah blah. "
me: If I were your husband I'd be more concerned with your bathtub buddy.

Dolce: "Ahh...the ever loving blog world were no spouses are (kind of)allowed and freely give their opinion."
Me: Sh'es given me my best material.

meg: "Oh gosh. I don't even bother showing real people what I do online. They don't get it.
I don't get pig latin."

me: I don't show them EVERYTHING!
As for the Pig Latin ... Just take the first letter of a word ... place it on the end of the word ... and add "ay" ... ouyay eesay?

xyu95: "I just LOVE Piglatin"
me: orrysay to aysay ... It's a disappearing language.

theoffendedblogger: "Well, send her to my blog that will ease her mind! :)"
me: I'm sure that will help ... you are so thoughtful.

justagirl: "Sounds like somebody is in trouble!"
me: It's always something ... I'm my own worst enemy.

mj: "Do you think Joe's wife has him handcuffed and trussed up somewhere?"
me: OMG! For a minute there I thought I may have left my webcam on again.

xyu95: "i'm sure his wife has not handcuffed him yet. his wrists look fine when he was hanging up the UNISEX signs for the bathroom last night."
me: Oh ... is that you Mark? Thanks for stopping by and commenting. That was pretty funny that you observed no markings on my wrist. Wise Guy!

alwayshomeanduncool: "Ah. The ol' suck and blow. Where can I get one?"
me: See info I gave robyn above ... thanks for stopping by ... I love having new visitors.

Heather said...

Joe, you're it. I've cruelly tagged you on my blog.

catscratch said...

And I'm truly honored you keep me around. Have a splendid weekend, my friend!

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