Questioning Tourists

CLICK HERE TO READ ABOUT THE SALEM WITCH TRIALS

“Hello, welcome to our restaurant. Would you like a table for two?”
“Oh, I was wondering if we could ask you a question.”
“Sure. My name is Joe. How can I help you?”
"Well, first of all, may my wife use your restroom?
“Certainly. Miss … it’s straight down on your left.”
“Go ahead Judith, I’ll be right here waiting for you. So … Joe, is it?”
“Yes sir. That’s correct. I’m Joe.”
"Yes, so can you tell me … back in 1692, were there any twin witches?"
“I’m sorry sir, I don’t know the answer to that. Why do you ask?”
“Well, Joe, because I was thinking if there were twin witches back then, they wouldn't have been able to tell which witch was which.”
“Ah … that’s very funny sir. You got me.”
“Oh good, here comes my wife. One other question?”
“Sure. Why not? Go ahead.”
“May I also use your restroom?”
“No you may not! Ha! Just kidding! Go ahead.”

Now the wife …
“Thank you, mister Joe. Did my husband tell you his stupid twin witch joke?”
“Well, yes miss, he did. He is quite the jokester.”
“I hate that he jokes about such things.”
“So you know the seriousness of it all?”
“Well, yes Joe, I do. I’ve read a lot about the subject.”
“Have you?”
“I have. Do you know researchers have found a common link while studying the intelligence of the Salem witches?
“No miss, I don’t think I’ve ever read anything like that.”
“It’s true … They were all good spellers.”
*crickets*
“Oh, here comes my husband. Well, thanks again, Joe. Buh-bye!”
“Hey! Wait! You haven’t even looked at our menu!”
Freakin’ tourists!

Bee's Musings Photo Post

Bee from Bee's Musings sent out a request.
The idea is to post a picture I decided not to use on a post.
This was close to halloween so I tucked the picture between some October posts.

Scary Bikers

Guess where the 2008 MDA Halloween Motorcycle Run ran through...
That's right! Salem Massachusetts.
Our restaurant was packed with bikers.
The last time I saw that much leather was at a Dominatrix party back in the summer of 1973.
Here are a few pics of those in attendance.




Me Yelling: "Hey! Where's your buccaneers?"
Him Yelling Back: "Under my buccan helmet jerk-off!"

These poor bikers never finished.

In Our Bedroom

“Alright honey, before you come into the bedroom I want you to close your eyes and don’t peek.”
“Joe, I’m so excited. My eyes are closed. Am I close enough yet?”
“Yes dear, two more steps. Good. Now keep your eyes closed. I want you to feel it first.”
"Okay Joe. Guide my hand. I promise not to peek … Oh my!"
“Well, how does it feel? Press down on it if you like.”
“Wow, Joe, it’s really hard. It’s not like it was before.”
“I would say everything in the ad was true. It should stay hard for a long time. Are you ready to open your eyes to see it?”
"Yes, can I open them now?"
“Sure, go ahead and open them now … Ta-Da!”
“Joe, it looks really big. It definitely seems bigger.”
“Well hon, you’ll surely be sitting a bit higher than you did before.”
“Joe, I can’t wait until tonight. I want to get on it now.”
“Sweetie, you don’t have to wait. Climb right on top of it and try it out.”
“OMG, This feels unbelievable! I love it!”
“I agree honey, this feels fantastic.”
“Joe, I want to try it on my side and on my stomach.”
“Of course sweetie, any positions you want.”
“Joe, I’m really glad we saw that Sleepy's ad.”
“Me too, honey. Me too.”

We just love our new Simmons Beautyrest Firm Plush Mattress.
Thank you Christopher Columbus for generating that half-price sale.

No Glass

My wife is very much set in her ways.
Whenever she feels like a beer ... her request is always the same.
"I'll have a Bud Light bottle ... ah ... and no glass"
Why won't she take the damn glass?
Why must she insist on drinking from the bottle?
Why always Bud Light?

Where I work ... we sell only our own brewed beers.
We go there for dinner.
"I'll have a Bud Light bottle ... ah ... and no glass."
Jeeeezus! Is she kidding me?
"Honey ... We make our own beer here."
"Then I'll have whatever is close to a Bud Light bottle ... ah ... and no glass."
"Honey ... all the beers are on tap ... there are no bottles."
She gets upset and angry.
"Then I guess I'll have some friggin' wine! WTH! ... ah ... and no glass."
*HELP!*