Saturday, October 18, 2008

In Our Bedroom


“Alright honey, before you come into the bedroom I want you to close your eyes and don’t peek.”
“Joe, I’m so excited. My eyes are closed. Am I close enough yet?”
“Yes dear, two more steps. Good. Now keep your eyes closed. I want you to feel it first.”
"Okay Joe. Guide my hand. I promise not to peek … Oh my!"
“Well, how does it feel? Press down on it if you like.”
“Wow, Joe, it’s really hard. It’s not like it was before.”
“I would say everything in the ad was true. It should stay hard for a long time. Are you ready to open your eyes to see it?”
"Yes, can I open them now?"
“Sure, go ahead and open them now … Ta-Da!”
“Joe, it looks really big. It definitely seems bigger.”
“Well hon, you’ll surely be sitting a bit higher than you did before.”
“Joe, I can’t wait until tonight. I want to get on it now.”
“Sweetie, you don’t have to wait. Climb right on top of it and try it out.”
“OMG, This feels unbelievable! I love it!”
“I agree honey, this feels fantastic.”
“Joe, I want to try it on my side and on my stomach.”
“Of course sweetie, any positions you want.”
“Joe, I’m really glad we saw that Sleepy's ad.”
“Me too, honey. Me too.”

We just love our new Simmons Beautyrest Firm Plush Mattress.
Thank you Christopher Columbus for generating that half-price sale.

29 comments:

M@ said...

wow, I'd say thanks for sharing, but I'm still a little dazed :)

Malicious Intent said...

Dude, maybe it wouldn't be to difficult if she would just shave her legs. Yours look fabulous by the way....do you shave or get them waxed?

Good Burp said...

I feel a little dirty after reading that.

scarlet-blue said...

Deary me . . . I was a bit afraid that there wasn't going to be a punch line . . . phew!
Sx

Jay said...

I'm blue from holding my breath!

I'm glad you're both .. um... satisfied. ROFL!!

Anonymous said...

Mom's toes are always painted....She's going to be mad!!!! :)

moooooog35 said...

Dude, not to break it to you, but based on that photo your wife is apparently having sex with a bear or - potentially - Bigfoot.

On the bright side, free bear/Bigfoot meat!

Mike said...

Man, I have go take a cold shower now. That was too hot to handle and oh so WRONG....

April said...

Oh Joe. I just spit diet pepsi out of my nose. That burns, man.

catscratch said...

Holy smokes, Joe.

I thought you were getting into a little soft porn!

I hate my new matress, it's not nearly hard enough.

Practically Joe said...

m@: "wow, I'd say thanks for sharing, but I'm still a little dazed :)"
me: I'm always dazed and a bit confused as well.

Malicious: "Dude, maybe it wouldn't be to difficult if she would just shave her legs. Yours look fabulous by the way....do you shave or get them waxed?"
Me: I pluck.

Good Burp: "I feel a little dirty after reading that."
Me: Maybe you need a cold shower then ... with soap.

Scarlet-Blue: "Deary me . . . I was a bit afraid that there wasn't going to be a punch line . . . phew!"
Me: Not too worry. I got kids listening in ... (See next comment)

Anonymous: "Mom's toes are always painted....She's going to be mad!!!! :)"
Me: Leave it to one of my daughters to spot a fake picture of us.

Jay: "I'm blue from holding my breath! I'm glad you're both .. um... satisfied. ROFL!!"
Joe: Thank you for not needing CPR ... I would never forgive myself.

Moooooog35: "Dude, not to break it to you, but based on that photo your wife is apparently having sex with a bear or - potentially - Bigfoot."
Meeeeee: I'm always excited and honored when you visit. You're not to far off with your comment. I'm usually bare and ... ahem ... there is that ... big foot.

Mike: "Man, I have go take a cold shower now. That was too hot to handle and oh so WRONG...."
Me: Mike ... shame ... Just what is it that you're trying to handle?
Oh my, my.

april: "Oh Joe. I just spit diet pepsi out of my nose. That burns, man."
me: Well ... I'm just glad it wasn't coke going in your nose. That can also burn.

VE said...

I hope you got that mattress on sale....because I've never heard of anyone buying a mattress that WASN'T on sale...

VE said...

Oh, never mind. You said so right at the bottom... I really should finish posts...

just a girl... said...

omg cracking me up, i would like a beer no glass please.

MadWoman said...

For a minute there I thought we were reading Literotica instead of a blog. Imagine my disappointment when I realised it was the latter.

How's the new mattress??

Queen Goob said...

Thank goodness that's not a real picture of you and Practically The Management; them thar's some white legs.

AND a tote on the table at the end that my 15 year old daughter has.

....wait, I know that comforter....

NOOOOOOO





kidding

Frogs in my formula said...

Whew, is it hot in here or is it just me??

Giggle! said...

*blushes* My virgin eyes :-P xx

Joe said...

I shall never again pass a Sleepy's (or a Columbus day for that matter) without becoming aroused.

RhondaLue said...

I love a new bed!. Mine's not new but it was 7 yrs ago when we bought it...and it is still my favorite place to be, still feels cozy, comfy and the perfect combination of firm support and soft enveloping comfort.

Slick said...

And here I was about to call you "Studmuffin" ;)

So, is it broke in yet???

xyu95 said...

your dressed just right for dr longfinger

thedavies99 said...

What's your address? I'm sending you some razors lol

kylie said...

hi joe,
i thought i dropped by last night to say g'day but i cant find the comment. we'll blame blogger.....

i've always wondered who believes those ads about how to make stuff bigger, harder.........

it's you, eh?

have a great weekend
k

Practically Joe said...

ve: "I hope you got that mattress on sale....because I've never heard of anyone buying a mattress that WASN'T on sale..."
me: Curses! Foiled again!

just a girl: "omg cracking me up, i would like a beer no glass please."
just a me: You're like having a second wife!

madwoman: "For a minute there I thought we were reading Literotica instead of a blog."
me: Didn't think I had it in me, did ya?

queen goob: "Thank goodness that's not a real picture of you and Practically The Management; them thar's some white legs."

"AND a tote on the table at the end that my 15 year old daughter has.....wait, I know that comforter....NOOOOOOO"

me: (lol) You are so funny queenie!

frogs: "Whew, is it hot in here or is it just me??"
me: Just to let you know ... I have been known to be a bit friskie once in a while.

giggle: "*blushes* My virgin eyes :-P xx"
me: giggle, sweetie, next time you might want to block your ears and cover your eyes when you visit.
BTW ... How's the belly?

(cup o')joe: "I shall never again pass a Sleepy's (or a Columbus day for that matter) without becoming aroused."
(practically)Joe: Thanks!
I shall never again pass a Sleepy's (or a Columbus day for that matter) without thinking of you becoming aroused.

rondalue: "I love a new bed!. Mine's not new but it was 7 yrs ago when we bought it...and it is still my favorite place to be, still feels cozy, comfy and the perfect combination of firm support and soft enveloping comfort."
me: rondalue ... you have six kids ... when do you ever get to enjoy things like that? You probably sleep standing up at times.

slick: "And here I was about to call you "Studmuffin" ;)
So, is it broke in yet???"

me: I'm practically a stud muffin.
And if you mean have I farted on my new mattress yet ... that would be a yes. All broke in.

xyu95: "your dressed just right for dr longfinger"
me: HIPPA laws do not allow me to comment on your comment.

thedavies99: "What's your address? I'm sending you some razors lol"
me: Welcome thedavies99!
As for the razor ... send it to my wife. Those are her hairy legs.

kylie: "i've always wondered who believes those ads about how to make stuff bigger, harder.........it's you, eh?"
me: Yep! That would be me. And get this ... some smuck gave me a check for $50,000 just for sending him one for $500. People are so stupid on the Internet.

Deb said...

Perfect picture for Halloween: Werewolf legs and Snow White!

Good luck Friday with the all the impending shenanigans!

Thomas said...

Do the drapes match the carpet? :P

Bogart in P Towne said...

Can't. Get. Dirty Pictures out of my head!

julia said...

i am scarred for life
thanks...