Practically the World's Best Husband

“Joe, will you still love me when we’re old and grey?
“Honey, are you serious? You get your hair colored regularly and I’m constantly trimming my ear and nose hairs. Helloooo! We’re already there!”
I just read an article on how to be the best husband in the world.
The author claims to be the greatest husband and offers to share his wisdom by offering me some tips. He says if I follow his guidelines my wife will get the partner she deserves.
I’m not sure if this is a good idea.
I think he’s plotting to steal my wife.
If he’s the “greatest” and she deserves “the best”, where does that leave me?
“Joe, I’m so lucky to have you.”
“Honey, don’t be silly. If you’re so lucky, why hasn’t Ed McMahon come knocking on our door with one of those oversized million dollar checks from Publisher’s Clearing House?”
I guess there are men who need advise on maintaining a long lasting relationship, but it’s not going to happen unless they truly make the effort.
I’m afraid it takes a bit more than following some stranger’s tips.
“Joe, come over here and smooch me.”
“Sure sweetie, pucker up, oh wait, yikes! Were you eating garlic?”
So what’s his advice? I’m sure you can guess. He says you must be sensitive to her feelings, focus on her needs, value her opinion, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It really sounds like a lot of work for something I feel should come naturally.
“Joe, come and cuddle with me for a while.”
“Okay sweetheart, but if you start snoring before I fall asleep, it’s hello HBO!” I have two pieces of advice of my own to give out about maintaining relationships, having been in one for over 40 years. First and foremost is you have to find the right mate no matter how long or how many tries it takes. The person you’re looking for is the one that’s going to honor the part of the vows that state “for better or worse”. Equally important is that once you’ve found your partner, you realize what you have and know that nothing else would ever do. I’m not saying it’s easy but I am saying it’s how it has to be.
“Joe, why have you stayed with me all these years?”
“Honeybunch, you’re kidding me right? Who the hell else would put up with my crap?”