Tuesday, June 3, 2008

The Broken Grill

Today I plan on barbequing a couple of pieces of chicken.
Doesn’t the word barbeque look strange? It’s usually BBQ or Bar-B-Q.
In the first sentence I was going to write BBQing, but that didn’t look right.
Anyway ... before I put on my chef’s hat and light the grill, I would have to look into a problem my son-in-law experienced last week firing up the grill when I wasn’t at home. He said “I think something’s wrong, flames were coming out of the knobs”. OK, yep, sounds like something’s wrong.
So ... as I do with most unfamiliar tasks since the late 90’s … I seek help on the Internet. This should be easy … let me think … how should I start?
“ALLLL ABOARD!!!! We’re about to ride My Brain Train” (Click.)
Searching for BBQ Grill repairs brought me to an About.com article on ... BBQ Grill repairs … so far so good. First thing … disconnect the propane tank or it can explode … Oh oh … better learn more about propane. Did you know that propane gas is the primary fuel for hot air balloons? (Click.) I find hot air balloon travel a bit scary. (Click.) A “Cloud Hopper” is a one-person hot air balloon where the pilot sits in a harness or small seat instead of a wicker basket (which isn’t much of a safe compartment to begin with unless you’re a picnic lunch.) There is often a propane tank behind the pilot's back, and the burner is on a frame above the pilot's head. (I’m going up now … throw a steak on my neck.) (Click.) Cluster ballooning is when someone ties a whole bunch of helium party balloons to a harness, straps it on and floats away, like in the cartoons. To come down one simply pops a ballon or two … oh … and they take bottled water with them so as they decend they spill out some water to slow themselves by becoming less heavy. Does someone cluster ballooning know the gravity of defying gravity? Gravity is our friend. It’s what keeps us from floating away in the first place. It’s what keeps our BBQ food on our plates. Without it nobody would come back if they jumped … no jumping up and down … just jumping up.
You know what I haven’t seen in a long, long time … Mexican jumping beans. (Click.) You know ... they didn’t actual jump, but they did jerk about and roll around. (Click.) Inside a thin shelled seed was some crazy moth that continually ran around inside smashing itself against the walls causing its movement. (Click.) The Atlas moth is the largest of all moths with a wing span between 10 to 12 inches. Yikes! Imagine that one fluttering about your porch light!
Hmmm … light? Something about light? (Back click. Back click. Back click.) Oh yeah, I was going to try to light the grill. Awww ... Forget it! ... I’ll just order a pizza.
“All those who’ve had enough better get off the Brain Train ... Next stop ... Nicky’s Pizza.”


nursemyra said...

I don't recommend you try and fix your bbq near any balloonists

PracticallyJoe said...

Nursemyra ... I still don't have it workin' ... at this point I'd like to tie a few hundred balloons to it and say ... "buh-bye!"

Anonymous said...

Here's what I always wondered about hot air balloons......

In cartoons or movies on tv at least (if it's on tv, it must be true...) they show them turn the flame down and throw "weights" if you will over the side of the balloon basket the passengers are in to help the balloon go down.

My question is, what is the difference if the "weight" is inside, or outside, the "weight" is still up in the air attached to the balloon.

nursemyra said...

hmmm... good question.

have you read/seen "Enduring Love"? it opens with a ballooning accident

Michele said...

Hey that was a fun ride! I had no idea about those jumping beans, I thought that was just a bunch of malarkey. Pretty interesting to find out there were moths inside.

But yeah, you might want to stay away from your grill if flames are coming out of the knobs. Somehow that just doesn't sound good.

Bogart in P Towne said...

That evening coffee kicking in, eh?

nursemyra said...

hey have you changed the wallpaper around here? it looks different...

PracticallyJoe said...

Sorry for taking so long to comment on your comments ... been busy being a new PaPa ...

Anon ... Wait ... I'm thinking they cut off the weights to lift higher ... but the weight could end up atop someone's head ... well ... back to the internet for more research on that subject.

michele ... great advice ... hadn't had a grilled piece of meat from my back yard yet this year.

Bogarte ... coffee actually helps pace me ... it's the chocolate donut I usually have with it that lights me up!

Nursy ... you caught me being fresh.