Sunday, July 13, 2008

Arte Y Pico ... My Online Affair


“Joe, what’s all the fuss about? What is it you want to show me?”
“Come here! Check this out on my computer!”
The only time my wife sits in front of the computer is when I practically have to drag her down to my basement office to show her something … even then it’s like pulling teeth. She’s always too busy doing something upstairs like talking on the phone or reading or quietly figuring out how to aggravate me.
“Joe, you’re not going to show me something gross again, are you?”
“No dear, nothing gross. I won something!!!”
Okay … So sometimes I lure her down here for a laugh. Like the time I had her reading one of those emails where you’re really concentrating on finding something small on the screen and all of a sudden … up pops a scary picture accompanied by a dreadful scream! You know the ones I’m talking about. It was a while gaining back her trust after that one. But I did. She loves me.
“Joe, I’m serious. You better not be fooling around.”
“Come on honey, trust me. You’ll be proud of me, really.”
The gross thing she was referring to was one of my first posts … The Truth About Giraffes … She always thought it silly that I don’t find giraffes cute as most other people do. But after watching the video I added to my post … well let’s just say she laughs no more!
“Okay Joe, So what did you win? What the hell is that?”
“It’s a blogging award honey. It's my first! Someone gave it to me. You know … for my blogging.”
So I go on to explain that Heather, of KelticKaos fame was honored by receiving an award for her blogging by one of her readers called the Arte Y Pico Award and she now has to honor someone else, well … five others who have blogs that she likes to read … and I was one of the five bloggers she picked to pass the award to …
“Isn’t this exciting?”
*Crickets (I recently saw this on another blog and couldn’t wait to use it.)
“Joe, let me get this straight. First of all, there are other people doing this blogging stuff?”
“Well … yes. You didn’t know that? You thought I’m the only one?”
“Joe, you never explained that. Who else does it?”
“Hon, I have told you this before, but you’re never interested. I have to practically beg you to read mine. There are thousands … er … millions, who write blogs.”
“So, Joe, Who is this Heather? Why haven’t you mentioned her before?”
“Hon, I don’t know who she is. Honest! Don’t look at me like that!”
“Well she seems to know you. She’s giving you this award. How long have you been blogging to her?”
“Hon, You’re not getting this. She just reads my blog and she likes it. She’s just saying so by passing this award to me. I’ll do the same. I’ll pass it along to some others who write blogs that I like to read.”
“Oh yeah? Like who? More Heathers?”
“Hon, You’re being ridiculous. I’ll probably pass it on to … let’s see … Mooooog … and Bogart … and Dorky Dad … oh … and B-Dog … and Malicious Intent.”
“Joe, really, I’m supposed to believe these are real people? There are more girls too, am I right? You’re just not saying! You know ... your sister told me she has to really watch who your niece talks to on the computer. I think it’s about time I start learning this crap so I really know what’s going on down here.”
“Yes honey. You really do. (Under my breath) … Yeah, that’ll never happen!”
*SMACK
“OUCH! What? What did you do that for?”
“Because I heard that, smartass!”

19 comments:

Malicious Intent said...

Wow, you are up shit creek without a paddle. She obviously truly has no clue what is going on here. Guess I am going to have to give you an award too. She will really love you getting one from someone named "Malicious Intent." And for the record, I am real. A mother of two, one disabled. Married to a wonderful husband and work hard in the disability community and I come here like so many of us because I cannot afford real therapy and I prefer it over reading books or watching much TV. It's the interactive part and the reaction and feedback you get from people that is so precious. Send her my way, I'll help her out! lol :) Good luck and may the force be with you!!!

Heather said...

See, Joe, this is what I'm talkin' 'bout!

Practically Joe said...

Malicious: It's the interactive part and the reaction and feedback you get from people that is so precious.
Me: I hear that! or read that?

Heather: See, Joe, this is what I'm talkin' 'bout!
Me: What can I say ... I want you to keep diggin' what I'm doin'!

MadWoman said...

Oh Joe....I can't believe you hadn't filled your wife in on the sordid life we bloggers lead. How interesting to know you've managed to keep her in the dark for so long. I shall have to try something along those lines with Hotty Hubby.

Practically Joe said...

Madwoman: How interesting to know you've managed to keep her in the dark for so long.
Me: Just the opposite ... I've really tried to get her interested in using the computer ... but this is a right handed woman who insists on using the mouse with her left hand. Try instructing someone like that how to right click on something!

moooooog35 said...

Thanks, Joe! Acknowledgement tomorrow!

And just so your wife isn't suspicious, I'll keep quiet about our feelings for each other.

She knows your bi, right?

VE said...

Oh Joe, come on out of the closet about us. She'll understand! ha ha. And don't even THINK about trying that on my blog...I'll sick Oprah after you!

nursemyra said...

the first rule of blogging is:

never try to explain blogging to an unbeliever

Practically Joe said...

Mooooooog35: And just so your wife isn't suspicious, I'll keep quiet about our feelings for each other. She knows your bi, right?
Me: Well ... now you've gone and let us both out of the closet. But I'm still hot for you.

ve: Oh Joe, come on out of the closet about us. She'll understand!
Me: Oh god ... now all my secret lovers are coming out of the woodwork!

Nursemyra: the first rule of blogging is: never try to explain blogging to an unbeliever
Me: Oh, she believes alright ... she believes I'm always up to something.

MJ said...

I got whiplash watching that giraffe video.

Along said...

I'm so happy Heather introduced you. I've been laughing so hard reading your posts.

ps: That giraffe was freaky!!

Practically Joe said...

mj: I got whiplash watching that giraffe video.
Me: Wasn't it horrible? Someone should have taught giraffes to fight with those freakishly long tongues ... now that would be something to see!

along: I've been laughing so hard reading your posts.
Me: What you just said was the highest award I could ever receive ... plus ... Checking out your blog, I've learned that you sent me this praise all the way from Malaysia!!! Nobody has ever come from so far a place to say something nice to me. however ... there was that nasty email from Ujungpandang ... just kidding I love that name. Dill is also a favorite of mine (better than the sour kind) ... just kidding again ... I was trying to let you to know I attempted to find you out there in this great big world of ours ... by find you I didn't mean stalk you ... honest, I didn't. I just mean I visited your blog and it interests me how everyday life goes on in places other than the USA, Massachusetts, Peabody, my house.
Anyway ... thanks for visiting and congrats on your Award as well ... I can see you deserved it.

B-Dog said...

Hey, Joe - thank you for the (totally undeserved) honor! Sorry I didn't acknowledge it earlier; I've been busy as all heck lately.

So has your wife suddenly dedicated herself to delving deeply into the blogosphere, or do your activities remain largely a mystery?

Queen Goob said...

*waves vigorously to the wife* I love reading your conversations with the wife. You guys are awesome. I know, I don't leave enough comments but you understand.

What we would really love is to read a guest blog from her.....he he he.

catscratch said...

Your wife is sooo adorable.
Congrats on the award!!

Practically Joe said...

b-dog:So has your wife suddenly dedicated herself to delving deeply into the blogosphere, or do your activities remain largely a mystery?
Me: The mystery is all mine ... she loves to read ... everyday she reads the newspaper and she's always reading magazines ... I just don't understand what it si with her and computers.

Queen Goob: What we would really love is to read a guest blog from her
Me: I'm thinking maybe a future interview with her leaving the questions up to my readers.


Catscratch: Your wife is sooo adorable.
Me: I agree ... I really know how to pick'em!

Kali said...

Us girls love you, we can't help that...

It's cos you're so doggone CUTE!

Anonymous said...

What the hell is the matter with you? Keep your wife away from the computer. And if she prefers it that way, don't drag her near it. Don't you know how much trouble you can get into? Now you have her suspicious and when she starts seeing all the pictures of these chick's legs, you blogging days are over. She'll have you manually filtering the tap water to keep you busy!!!

Practically Joe said...

Kali: Us girls love you, we can't help that...It's cos you're so doggone CUTE!
Me: Yep ... That's got me in trouble before ... It's the cross I bare.

Anon: Keep your wife away from the computer. Now you have her suspicious and when she starts seeing all the pictures of these chick's legs, you blogging days are over.
Me: Thanks for your advice and concern Anon. But you see ... I will simply explain that Kalis legs may not be her own and that it could be just an icon or avitar associated with a bloggers identity and ... wait ... you're right ... she'll never understand ... quick, hide the computer ... hide the computer!