My Own Niagara Falls

“Joe, I just left some receipts on your desk.”
“Uh, okay dear. Thanks for letting me know.”
Oh-oh … What the hell did she buy now?
We have money conversations over and over and over again.
I hate arguing about finances, but sometimes I have to put my foot down! The trick is retracting it fast enough so I don’t end up with a heel dug into the top of my foot.
Let’s see what she bought this time.
Oh, it’s a receipt for a Pitcher Water Filtration System.
Yeah, I remember this. She bought it a few weeks ago.
I was aggravated that she decided on this purchase. To her, she was problem solving. Let me explain from the beginning.
“Joe, we need another filter, this one is no good.”
At that time we were using the type of filter that screws into the kitchen sink faucet. It seemed we had to replace it way too much.
After interrogating her on the possible reasons, I discovered she was filtering the water she used to water our nine million houseplants.
When I refused to replace it she suggested we change to having bottled water delivered.
“Joe, let’s go on the computer, I want to see the cute bottle stands they have to match our kitchen, I think they’re free when you set up an account.”
Crap! Why can’t she just take the time to learn to search the web? Or get on-line? Or use a mouse? Or, turn on the computer?
Weeks later …
“Joe, when’s our next delivery? We’re almost out of water.”
We started our plan with three bottles of water a month and ran out quicker than an elephant cannon-balling into a full bathtub.
We increased to four bottles last month and still ran out of water as we dragged ourselves closer and closer to the oasis.
When we recently changed to five bottles a month it was time for a new interrogation.
“Joe, I don’t know why. Honest, the plants seem to be doing okay on regular tap water now. They’ve adjusted.”
“Are you secretly bathing in it?”
“No.”
“Are you selling it to the neighbors for a profit?”
“No. Come on Joe. Be serious?”
“Are you cooking with it?”
“Well … I do use it to make the coffee.”
“Honey! What the hell! When you make coffee the water boils. I don’t think you need to use bottled spring water. It’s not exactly poison flowing through our pipes.”
“Joe! I’m not using that tap water for our coffee!”
So I gave up. Then the youngest daughter comes to the rescue.
Using calculators, measuring devices and going through two or three pencil erasers they figured out that if we use a Pitcher Water Filtration System to filter our tap water when we make coffee, it would eliminate two out of the five jugs we are being delivered each month.
Therefore, costing us about $10 less a month in bottled water.
See! She is doing her part to save money.
So, last week the new purchase sat on our kitchen table. (Still in the box.) This week it sits on our treadmill in the exercise room. (That won’t be moving too soon.) There is no shortage of coffee in our pot. And, we’re still close to matching Niagara Falls in water usage.
I don’t think we've yet managed to uncover the water consumption problem. The spending problem, well, I’ve only touched upon one of the six receipts she dropped on my desk.
And as far as what my wife is learning about all of this … Just this morning as she was changing the water in the fishbowl using our precious supply of natural spring water, she asked …
“Joe, if you’re running to the store, will you buy me a Dunkin’ Donuts coffee?”