Thursday, July 17, 2008

My Own Niagara Falls


“Joe, I just left some receipts on your desk.”
“Uh, okay dear. Thanks for letting me know.”
Oh-oh … What the hell did she buy now?
We have money conversations over and over and over again.
I hate arguing about finances, but sometimes I have to put my foot down! The trick is retracting it fast enough so I don’t end up with a heel dug into the top of my foot.
Let’s see what she bought this time.
Oh, it’s a receipt for a Pitcher Water Filtration System.
Yeah, I remember this. She bought it a few weeks ago.
I was aggravated that she decided on this purchase. To her, she was problem solving. Let me explain from the beginning.
“Joe, we need another filter, this one is no good.”
At that time we were using the type of filter that screws into the kitchen sink faucet. It seemed we had to replace it way too much.
After interrogating her on the possible reasons, I discovered she was filtering the water she used to water our nine million houseplants.
When I refused to replace it she suggested we change to having bottled water delivered.
“Joe, let’s go on the computer, I want to see the cute bottle stands they have to match our kitchen, I think they’re free when you set up an account.”
Crap! Why can’t she just take the time to learn to search the web? Or get on-line? Or use a mouse? Or, turn on the computer?
Weeks later …
“Joe, when’s our next delivery? We’re almost out of water.”
We started our plan with three bottles of water a month and ran out quicker than an elephant cannon-balling into a full bathtub.
We increased to four bottles last month and still ran out of water as we dragged ourselves closer and closer to the oasis.
When we recently changed to five bottles a month it was time for a new interrogation.
“Joe, I don’t know why. Honest, the plants seem to be doing okay on regular tap water now. They’ve adjusted.”
“Are you secretly bathing in it?”
“No.”
“Are you selling it to the neighbors for a profit?”
“No. Come on Joe. Be serious?”
“Are you cooking with it?”
“Well … I do use it to make the coffee.”
“Honey! What the hell! When you make coffee the water boils. I don’t think you need to use bottled spring water. It’s not exactly poison flowing through our pipes.”
“Joe! I’m not using that tap water for our coffee!”
So I gave up. Then the youngest daughter comes to the rescue.
Using calculators, measuring devices and going through two or three pencil erasers they figured out that if we use a Pitcher Water Filtration System to filter our tap water when we make coffee, it would eliminate two out of the five jugs we are being delivered each month.
Therefore, costing us about $10 less a month in bottled water.
See! She is doing her part to save money.
So, last week the new purchase sat on our kitchen table. (Still in the box.) This week it sits on our treadmill in the exercise room. (That won’t be moving too soon.) There is no shortage of coffee in our pot. And, we’re still close to matching Niagara Falls in water usage.
I don’t think we've yet managed to uncover the water consumption problem. The spending problem, well, I’ve only touched upon one of the six receipts she dropped on my desk.
And as far as what my wife is learning about all of this … Just this morning as she was changing the water in the fishbowl using our precious supply of natural spring water, she asked …
“Joe, if you’re running to the store, will you buy me a Dunkin’ Donuts coffee?”

16 comments:

Heather said...

HeeHee! So funny! We have one of those pitcher filters, and I love it. I don't water the plants or change the fish aquarium with it though, or even use it for cooking, or coffee. It is strictly for drinking, pure, cold, sweet water. Maybe she's doing laundry with it?

Bogart in P Towne said...

Filtered water does make the coffee taste better!

MJ said...

My cat seems to enjoy the filtered water.

Midleah said...

Maybe you can do an internet search and then print out any number of those reports on studies showing that bottled water is the equivalent of tap water, and let your wife read them? (Unless, of course, you're in one of those areas where the water has proven contamination.)

Bottled water has quickly proven to be one of the biggest rackets around, unfortunately.

Malicious Intent said...

Don't feel bad. WE have a coffe maker, and Ice tea maker (both purchased from my husband) he also gets bottled water from time to time, much to my dismay as I feel that is not environmentally friendly at all. Saturday morning he gets up and goes to Dunkin Donuts for coffee and asks me if I want one. I ask him why don't we just make some. He claims it is not the same, even though we bought the damn dunkin donuts coffee beans at the store. Then he goes to Mcdonalds for sweet tea AFTER he got the tea maker.

I feel your pain, I really really do!

Malicious Intent said...

Don't feel bad. WE have a coffe maker, and Ice tea maker (both purchased from my husband) he also gets bottled water from time to time, much to my dismay as I feel that is not environmentally friendly at all. Saturday morning he gets up and goes to Dunkin Donuts for coffee and asks me if I want one. I ask him why don't we just make some. He claims it is not the same, even though we bought the damn dunkin donuts coffee beans at the store. Then he goes to Mcdonalds for sweet tea AFTER he got the tea maker.

I feel your pain, I really really do!

Anonymous said...

Joe, even filtered water won't help your coffee!
Slowpo3

nursemyra said...

is your tap water really all that bad? I drink tap water all the time in sydney. bottled water is such a marketing ploy....

Practically Joe said...

Heather: We have one of those pitcher filters. It is strictly for drinking, pure, cold, sweet water. Maybe she's doing laundry with it?
Me: Nahhh ... Could she? ... nahhh ... maybe? ... nahhhh!

Bogart: Filtered water does make the coffee taste better!
Me: It might be time for a taste test ... I really don't think I'd know the difference.

MJ: My cat seems to enjoy the filtered water.
Me: If only our plants could talk.

Midleah: print out any number of those reports on studies showing that bottled water is the equivalent of tap water, and let your wife read them?
Me: She likes to read ... but not that much.

Malicious: I feel that is not environmentally friendly at all.
Me: I disagree ... when we take in clean water ... then the water we let back out must be cleaner than most.

Anon: Joe, even filtered water won't help your coffee!
Me: That's your opinion, sis. Well ... ok ... maybe not just yours.

Nursemyra: is your tap water really all that bad?
Me: Not until after I bathe in it.
Otherwise I personally think it's ok ... My wife, on the other hand ... will never forget what she saw when we pried open one of those tap waterfilter cartridges after a month's use.

VE said...

I tend to not prefer my water crunch or chewy...

nursemyra said...

that stuff she saw in the filter was planted there secretly by the same people Reginal is afraid of...

Practically Joe said...

ve: I tend to not prefer my water crunchy or chewy
Me: No ice or baby pacifiers for you!

Nursemyra: that stuff she saw in the filter was planted there secretly by the same people Reginal is afraid of...
Me: I like that our posts finally have something in common. We should do that more often. I'll shop for a corset.

catscratch said...

I hate to said this, but I side with the Missus this time.

I flat refuse to make coffee or cook with, let alone drink tap water.

I still shower in tap water, but I'm considering a way to get bottled water piped in.

Have an amazing weekend!

Practically Joe said...

Catscratch: I hate to said this, but I side with the Missus this time.
Me: Believe me when I say this ... You aren't the first to side with her. But ... Don't you boil water to make coffee? Wouldn't that cure all?
If it's good enough for your skin ... it should be good enough for within.

Queen Goob said...

Joe? I. Love. Your. Wife.

She is hysterical! And boy does she have you wrapped…..

Practically Joe said...

Queen Goob: Joe? I. Love. Your. Wife. She is hysterical! And boy does she have you wrapped…..
Me: I'll pass that along to her ... And yes, she make me funny.
And yes again ... she's had me wrapped for 40 years now.