Sunday, November 23, 2008

Ladder Safety 101

Never push or pull anything sideways while on a ladder.
This puts a side load on the ladder and can cause it to tip out from under you.

No … That’s not really me on that stretcher … but …
If my wife wasn’t so busy being franticly worried she may have thought to run in the house, grab the camera and get a shot for my blog. Picture that poor bastard above wearing a sweatshirt and that would be me.

"Sir?" What is your name?
"Joe. My name is Joe."
This was really a good sign. This I knew.
Though the EMT didn’t know it. How could he?
It’s not like he knew my name was really Joe.
He just believed me. If I really didn’t remember my name, and guessed … "Rodney" … I think he would have from then on called me "Rodney".

"Rodney, can you tell me where it hurts?"
"All over, but mainly it’s my chest. It's sort of caved-in."
Now, I’m not kidding you on the caved in part.
I distinctly remember flying through the air, landing on top of the ladder, having the wind knocked out of me and not being able to breathe in any air. I thought it was over.
My wife was telling me to stay calm and breathe. She’d be right back after calling 911. Laying there waiting her return. I was finally able to take a breath. My mind then began to assess the damage done to the rest of me. My arms were folded in front of me as if they were trying to keep my chest from falling apart.
Hmmmm. My legs were moving. My head seemed okay. My arms were doing a good job holding my chest together. I wondered what would happen if I let go. I released the hold I had on myself and tried to look down. I had on a sweatshirt and really couldn’t see anything.
I felt around and then I realized the center of my chest was a deep cavity. The ladder had karate-chopped my chest.

"Joe, don’t worry. Stay still. An ambulance is on it’s way?"
I was still gasping for air.
"Honey, feel my chest. I think it caved in."
I could hear the sirens getting closer. She held my hand and we waited.

Back in the ambulance heading for the hospital ...
"Rodney, can you tell me what happened?"
Still gasping for air, I explained.
At the hospital, the usual questions...
What is your name?
Do you have an email address?
Who got your vote for president?
How attached are you to the sweatshirt we're about to cut in half?

There was an x-ray, a CAT scan and heroin (or it may have been morphine) I can’t remember which.
Then came the nurse administrator with the news.
"Joe. Your wife assured my your name isn’t Rodney and it looks like you have two broken ribs."
" OMG! I have two broken ribs? Now what?"
"We’re sorry, there is really nothing we can do for you."
"WHAT? Am I gonna die? You can’t do anything?"
"Rodney, Sorry ... Joe. Don’t be silly! We’re sending you home with a prescription for some pain medication and you should be fine in about eight weeks. Here is some info to take home with you. Take care. Buh-bye."
"Huh? What? Thank you."

Less than four hours after my fall, I was back at home.
I was doped up, in pain and behind on the yard work.
Since then, I’ve been lost in TV land.
I wish there was a screen saver for the eyes.
Everywhere I look there is the imprint of my flat-screen TV.

37 comments:

just bob said...

Geez Joe... that was a practically dumb thing to do.

Get well soon!!!

April said...

Yikes Joe! Were you hanging Christmas lights? Please say no. Not only because people are really pissing me off hanging lights already, but also because now my husband will read this and say no way to getting on the ladder to hang the lights because look what happened to Joe. It is just two ribs. You have lots more. Right??

Deb said...

No video of this? No live action shots? Damn! Think of the traffic your blog would have received!

Hope you feel better soon and for heaven's sake, DON'T SNEEZE!

Good Burp said...

Did they think you were Rodney because your glasses flew off?
I am proud of you though. That is a true Clark W. Grisswold moment.

beeeeeeeee said...

Ouch! Are you all caught up on the soaps now?

Hope you heal quick!

RhondaLue said...

I would have said my name was WILLARDO (just cuz it has the word LARDO in it and it makes me laugh) but good grief man! I'm glad you're sorta OK. Broken ribs stink!! Not that I've had any but anything they can't surgically correct or give you meds to fix right away stinks!

Feel better soon and heal fast Rodney, errrr JOE! :)

MadWoman said...

While I'm fully planning to use this as an educational lecture for Hotty Hubby who sees no issue with doing just what you described, I feel it also my duty to inform you that you have disappointed the masses by not having this caught on video. And for not having your wife trained well enough to grab the camera when she went to call 911.

kylie said...

bad luck joe,errrr rod, errrrr whoever you are
do you line your pain meds up in a nice pattern?

scarlet-blue said...

Oh you poor thing! Let me come and give you a gentle massage.
Sx

HappyHourSue said...

Oh my Lord!!! See that's what happens when you use those poorly drawn ladders..... get better soon!

Midleah said...

Get well soon!!!

It is truly hilarious that you were dazed enough to think that you were Moog...

Bogart in P Towne said...

Bro...that had to hurt. Next time, remember that your wife can do the Heimlich and that you don't have to thrust yourself on a ladder to get out the cheese curd stuck in your throat.

And becareful when posting while high on morphine...I have seen way to many people think they were thinking clearly only to find out that they posted nude pictures of their wives....

moooooog35 said...

I'm suing you for libel for use of the name "Rodney" without my expressed, written consent.

Seriously.

TWO white guys named Rodney? RIDICULOUS!! No one will believe it!

On a side note, if your wife really prefers the name 'Rodney' and you're too broken up to do your manly duties, I'm always more than willing to make a house call.

You've got those blue pills, right?

LilSass said...

OH MY GOSH!!! This is awful. I've cracked ribs in the past (public service announcement: don't take the trash out down a set of stairs in the snow) and they hurt like a bitch for months. BROKEN ribs must hurt a hundred times more.

Oy, I wish you a speedy recovery and lots of hallucinogenic dreams on those drugs.

catscratch said...

Holy smokes.

I wish you a speedy recovery and hope you take revenge on that evil, hateful ladder soon.

Ken said...

Joe, you get to hang out with us cool guys now. But you could of done it with just 1 rib. but to makes for better tales, and just think 13 more and you will catch up with me on ribs.... but your way behind on the others.....

Felicia said...

Awwww..I'm so sorry! I hope you feel better soon. Geez...what bad luck...I wonder what would have happend if you had walked UNDER the ladder...lol
I hope you heal quickly!

Queen Goob said...

It had to cave in your chest and not your stomach, didn't it? Those ladders can be so unkind....

Glad you made it alive and I'm with the others insofar as I would willingly chip in for your wife's training in camera-readiness. Honey, we blog!

Drugs are good when needed so keep up a good intake. It's okay to let everyone pamper you but we DO miss you terribly. Be good; let someone else hang the Christmas lights this year.

Hugs and I look forward to your quick recovery and return to the blogosphere.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Ouch! Glad you're okay!

xyu95 said...

damn Joe, i hope your feeling better. i bruised my ribs once and that was really painful. got 2 weeks worth of percocets too. Robert said you will be in tonight so i will see you later.

Ameratis said...

Sorry to hear about your accident but glad I found your blog! :)

Megan said...

Christ, you went from a caved-in chest to back home in four hours? That's rather frightening.

Heal soon, PJ.

jay said...

Heavens above, Joe - you caved your chest in? Didn't they even bend it back out for you??

Seriously, I've always thought broken ribs must be one of the worst types of pain ever. I mean, you have to keep breathing, right? And every breath hurts!! What the heck happens when you sneeze?

Just try not to sneeze, OK?

Hope you heal fast!

Coffee Bean said...

Just what were you doing on that ladder? If you were cleaning the leaves out of your gutters... then, you have my sympathy. IF you were hanging Christmas lights BEFORE Thanksgiving... well... you should be ashamed.

Fifteen years ago I was in a jet ski accident that earned me a trip in a helicopter... and some morphine (sp?). Morphine... is nice.

nursemyra said...

Hey JoeRodney - hope you feel much better soon. If you'd broken your ribs at the gimcrack we'd have taped you up with a continence pad and sent you back out to work.

count your blessings

E Chuod said...

Breaking ribs to aviod yardwork and to lay and watch TV all day. 8 weeks? I need to try this. You're a crafty one, Rodney, er, Joe.

Mike said...

Obviously you didn't heed the warnings that I'm sure were plastered all over the ladder. "This is not a step", "Do not overload", "Use extreme caution operating ladder." You know the drill...

Speedy recovery....

daisyfae said...

"Rodney" is a good start on a pornstar name... paired with the last name "Steele" it'll get you some auditions!

Glad that you're on the road to recovery. Next time? Remember that gravity isn't just a good idea... it's the law....

Along said...

Ouch!! Hope you're doing much better. Just blame it on gravity if you must. Also...why isn't there any pictures/video of the incident? Or pictures of the war scars (at war with a ladder?)

Frogs in my formula said...

At least you have that great mattress. And a, um, blogging comment TEAM. Gheesh, I hope you remember the little people when you're at the top. Oh wait, maybe you should stay at the bottom for awhile...

WILLIAM said...

Rodney, I am Thankful that you are okay.

Pratically rodney does not have the same ring to it.

Mike said...

Lucky!

You get a two month vacation!

Why is it that i'm both accident prone AND bullet proof?

Work sucks.

Heather said...

Holy crap, Joe!

Slick said...

When I got the comment on my site I was like "What the..."

Now I see...

Dude, take care. Screw the ladder (figuratively) and just get better!

VE said...

Ok...ladder - 1, Joe - 0. But I think you need a rematch. I mean even Rocky lost the first fight...

Sorry to hear that.

Speaking of lack of support...I could use some from my blogger friends. Check my Tues Dec 2nd blog post for details. Take care!

Practically Joe said...

just bob ... April ... deb ... good burp ... beeeeeeeee ...rhonda lou ... mad woman ... kylie ... Scarlett-blue ... happy hour sue ... midleah ... bogart ... mooooog35 ... lilsass ... catscratch ... ken ... felicia ... Queen Goob ... Suburban Correspondent ... xyu95 ... Ameratis ... megan ... jay ... Coffee Bean ... nursemyra ... E Chuod ... mike ... daisyfae ... along ... frogs in my formula ... William ... Mike ... Heather ... Slick ... VE

Me: Thank you all very much for dropping in and making me smile. Your support meant a lot to me.

Let's BLOG!

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