Pain Killer or Killer Pain

I guess for the longest time I was lucky.
For many years I lived without much physical pain.
My recent incident with a ladder disrupted that run.

A few Sundays ago … Pain said …
"Hello, Joe. Where have you been?"
Since then pain’s been like an unwelcomed guest who just won’t leave.
I’ve tried to be subtle.
"Honey, is it time for my pill yet?"
I tried being stern.
"OMG! What the hell did I do to deserve this pain? Kill me now!"

I never imagined what broken ribs would feel like.
At first it hurt when I took deep breaths, made a sudden movement or reached too high to grab the potato chips off the top shelf in the cabinet.
I was uncomfortable lying down on the bed so I had to sleep upright on the couch.
It was painful when I had to pee. Let me elaborate on that a bit. The actual peeing didn’t hurt but getting up from the couch to get to the bathroom did.

My biggest problem was not the broken ribs or the other bodily bruises resulting from my fall. The excruciating pain I had to deal with was caused by a stupid cough that developed … the next day.
Pain said …
"Hey, Joe. Let’s not waste those narcotics the hospital gave you … TAKE THIS!"
(… then suddenly in my throat) … Pain tickled me.
"Cough."
"Yeeeeeeow! $%#!&"
"Cough. Cough."
"Ohhhhhhh! Mutha-fudger! Ow! Ow! Ow!"

This went on for a week.
I think I broke a couple of ribs on my other side trying not to cough.

I would feel Pain start to tickle.
I’d hold my breath. I’d brace myself.
My wife readied herself as well. I think that each time I coughed she covered her eyes.
"Joe, hold a pillow. It will help!"
"Sweetie, I’ve got the damn pillow, it’s between me and the wall I’m running into. Damn! I can’t hold it any longer!"
"Cough."
"Ohhhhhhh! Fuque me! Ow! Eye-yie-eye!"
"Cough."
"Crap! Huff-huff-huff. Yikes! Jesus Christmas! Ow!"

Finally the cough has subsided.
Maybe now my ribs could finally heal.
Thank God I never had to sneeze!
Amen.