Feces Species

“Bzzzzzz! Bzzzzzzzz! Bzzzzzzzzz!”
How annoying … there’s a damn fly in this room and it keeps buzzing around my head. There are plenty of lights on in the room. Don’t they like the light? Isn’t that what attracts them? It looks like a common housefly. I think it’s a bit crazy. Can flies be crazy?
“Bzzzzzz! Bzzz! Bzzzzz! Bzzzzzzzzz”
I’ve been swatting at the little rascal for over an hour now.
I shut off the lights closest to me. My strategy was to have it wander to the houseplant sitting across the room under the only light still turned on.
“Housefly, meet houseplant … houseplant, this is housefly. Why don’t you guys hang out a while?”
I figured, both their first names are “house” … why wouldn’t they immediately connect? Besides, doesn’t this fly get the idea I’m trying to lay some hurt on it, swatting at it like a madman? Does it actually think I’m happy to see it as it watches me waving excitedly? I really just want it to leave me alone.
“Bzz! Bzzz! Bzzzzz! Bzzzzzzzzz! Bzz!”
So far I’ve thrown a book at it, sending my cell phone for a ride. Then, when Buzz (Yeah, I named it.) landed on my corkboard, I used a pencil as a javelin trying to nail the little bastard but instead, knocked over a picture on my desk. I’ve even taken off my tee shirt and swung at it rocketing my router off my computer tower and then toppled a half full can of soda onto the floor. Now I have sticky feet. (Not to be confused with “stinky feet” which I also have.)
“Bzz! Bzzz! Bzzzzz! Bzz Bzzz Bzzzz! Bzz!”
Just as I was about to use a can of aerosol spray as a flamethrower I saw the most unusual thing. The fly ascended to the ceiling and just sat there, upside down. How the hell did it do that? I wasn’t sure I saw the actual move Buzz made to get upside down. It was flying right side up but then suddenly it was upside down … and landed.
I had to research this.
Come along with me …
“Aaallllll aboard! My Brain Train is pulling out of the station!”
Let’s see … Google, Lycos … hmmm … Ask.com … Okay. (Click.)
Housefly: well-known cosmopolitan pest of both farm and home. This species is always found in association with humans or activities of humans. Well this is nothing new except I never thought of Buzz as a “species” or at a farm. But I guess that sounds right, although, the farm-fly we’re talking about here is probably the “horsefly” and I guess we call that one the “horse feces species”. (Click.)
What’s this picture link? (Click.) Wow! Look at these things. Colorful ones … hairy ones … big ones … little ones … hmmm … click on this and … “bad info leads to wrong house and bullets fly.” Okay, not what I was looking for. “Shoe fly?” … No … but “Shoo fly” I’d probably check out. (Click.)
Wait! flies in Vasoline! … One of my favorite Stone Temple Pilot songs . (Click.)
Oh yeah! Crank this baby up. Awesome!
(Then from somewhere upstairs …)
“Joe, Joooooooooooeee!!!”
“Huh?? Wha??? (to myself … Lower the music, quick, lower the music!) … Yes dear, what’s wrong?”
“Joe, please don’t play that so loud … and there’s a freakin’ fly buzzing around me up here, will you help me take care of it?”
(Smile)

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