Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Mr. Mucus Paid a Visit

The little guy above, who some may know as “Mr. Mucus”, has caused me pain and money. How? Well, first of all, I’m sure he had something to do with my recent cough which just about killed me as my broken ribs were healing. Then, it was expensive getting rid of him.
No, I didn’t hire the Orkin Man, he admitted he was no match for Mr. Mucus.

So who is this Mr. Mucus?
He is like the black sheep of the mucus family. I’m sure you are familiar with some of the clan. Like cousin Phlegm who resides in your respiratory tract and his sister, Snot, who lives up your nose. The mucus family really has a lot of members and the live quietly in our bodies performing important jobs like keeping crap out of our lungs, filtering the air we breath and even helping to soften food making it easier to swallow. I’m sure you’re happy I shared that little tidbit.

Now from what I researched, Mr. Mucus is a bully and likes to wreak havoc when our bodies are weak. He likes to mess with Phlegm and loves to screw with Snot.
Sometimes he makes Snot sweat resulting in a continuous flow of liquid Snot running down our nostrils and on to our upper lip. Other times he causes Snot to dry up like an old piece of fruit, blocking the nasal passages and causing us to breathe through our mouths. None of the Mucus family hang out in our mouths unless we hack them up, then it's ... don't swallow ... spit! God knows what enters our lungs when we breathe through our mouths with none of the Mucuses around. During all this, cousin Phlegm is all eff’d up, dazed, confused and walking into lung walls. So we wheeze, cough, spit, sneeze, blow, sniffle and cry. Well, not me, but some people cry.

My personal problem with Mr. Mucus was this …
Just out of the hospital, I couldn’t breathe too well and I was chilled all the time.
Because I was cold, we ran the heat, which is a forced hot air system.
The hot air caused a low humidity level in our home.
Mr. Mucus dropped by to say hello.
My wife had me breathing steam from pots of boiling water with a dishtowel over my head. After a two-minute session, feeling like steamed broccoli, I was able to blow dried fruit out of my nose, making it easy to breathe again.

Mr. Mucus also tickled my throat and caused me with my broken ribs to flop around on the floor after every cough. We finally chased Mr. Mucus away after buying a $175 humidifier.

"Joe, it seems to be raining in the kitchen."
"I told you we bought a good one!"

50 comments:

Jay said...

I am SO hoping Mr Mucus doesn't pay me a visit till my shoulder is on the mend - Please God!

I don't know how you managed with broken ribs, it makes me want to hug you .. except that would be Very Bad for both of us! ROFL!

Preposterous Ponderings said...

"Snot to dry up like an old piece of fruit"

I am so going to puke at the visual I got over that!

It is true though.Oh so true. Gaaaaaaaag!!!!!

Ewwwww! Guess I'll be skipping the dried apricots I have in the cupboard today....

Heather said...

I just bought the cutest humidifier shaped like Spongebob. On sale for $10.

Ken said...

Well you have done it again, I'm not sure what "IT" was but you done did it!!

Mike said...

Why is it after reading that I envision a snot orgy?

Good Burp said...

You just can't catch a break can you.

Mike said...

Teaches you not to go playing on ladders again, doesn't it?

kylie said...

mr mucus screws sister snot?
so mr mucus is incestuous as well as torturous?

you left out some really good mucuses and what on eart is the plural of mucus?

have fun
k

xyu95 said...

you forgot to mention the BLACK SHEEP of the Family. SH*T.. and he resides on the other end.

Practically Joe said...

Jay: "I am SO hoping Mr Mucus doesn't pay me a visit till my shoulder is on the mend - Please God!"
me: Hi Jay ... In case you're in the habit of automatically shrugging your shoulders when you don't know ... I won't ask.
But ... I hope you're feeling better.

Preposterous Ponderings: "Ewwwww! Guess I'll be skipping the dried apricots I have in the cupboard today...."
me: Have I told you how good is is to have you back?
Here. Have some snail.

Heather: "I just bought the cutest humidifier shaped like Spongebob. On sale for $10."
me: Aren't you the thrifty one Miss Square Pants.

Ken: "Well you have done it again, I'm not sure what "IT" was but you done did it!!"
me:I'm always doing whatever it is. Thanks for noticing.

Mike: "Why is it after reading that I envision a snot orgy?"
me: It was more like a booger flickin' fight.

Good Burp: "You just can't catch a break can you."
me: Wrong ... I did catch a break in my ribs.

Mike: "Teaches you not to go playing on ladders again, doesn't it?"
me: You're absolutely right ... I changed my favorite board game to "Shutes and Escalators"

Kylie: "mr mucus screws sister snot? ... so mr mucus is incestuous as well as torturous?"
me: Mr. Mucus is the devil and people point to him a lot ... especially when he's up their noses.

xyu95: "you forgot to mention the BLACK SHEEP of the Family. SH*T.. and he resides on the other end."
me:I'm not sure the black sheep of the family is actually part of the mucus family but I'm sure glad it's not up my nose.

Megan said...

Hey Joe! Thanks for coming over my place. I sure hope you didn't leave any scary germs though. :)

Practically Joe said...

Megan: "Hey Joe! Thanks for coming over my place. I sure hope you didn't leave any scary germs though. :)"
me: Don't worryMr. Mucus has been gone for a while now.
You and I can breathe easy.

Ameratis said...

Well hopefully Joe you do not live with Mr. Mucus as a year round tenant as I do. I have horrible allergies and Mr. Mucus is a constant in my life. Glad you chased him away though :) Hope your ribs are feeling better!

RhondaLue said...

Was that the Mucinex dude?? if so, he really can help a brutha out when he's trapped IN. good stuff that Mucinex but nasty name. I'm actually embarrased to buy it. I'm sure the cashier's thinking "hmm. tee hee..she has a mucus problem, grosssss!"

Queen Goob said...

This is gross but it REALLY works - next time use a nasal irrigation product. You can get them over the counter at your local drug store. Again, it's gross but I swear by it.

And when swearing, I tend to use comments like "That is f*%$ing GROSS" or "Did you see how much sh*t came outta my nose?".

Snuff - I mean stuff - like that.

Malicious Intent said...

wow, so glad someone looks worse than me in the morning!

How about giving me a visit...I have a holiday challenge and I just know this is right up your alley and you will do a fine job. Ms. P already did it and it was AWESOME!

P.S. stop attacking innocent ladders....they have rights too!

Practically Joe said...

Ameratis: "Well hopefully Joe you do not live with Mr. Mucus as a year round tenant as I do."
Me:I don't, thank goodness.
But you should be renegotiating your lease with him or call in a eviction specialist.

RhondaLue: "good stuff that Mucinex but nasty name. I'm actually embarrased to buy it. I'm sure the cashier's thinking "hmm. tee hee..she has a mucus problem, grosssss!"
me: I know what you mean. I used to disguise myself until the pharmacy staff called the cops. They thought I was going to rob them! Now I suck it up and leave the hat, trenchcoat, high-heels, sunglasses, beard and mustache at home.

Queen Goob: "I tend to use comments like "That is f*%$ing GROSS" or "Did you see how much sh*t came outta my nose?". Snuff - I mean stuff - like that."
Me: I'm glad you cleaned that up ... The language and the nose.

Malicious Intent: "stop attacking innocent ladders....they have rights too!"
Me: You're right. I do have a tendency to step all over ladders. Sorry.

Remembering Dawn said...

Mr. Mucus drives me crazy

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