Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Secret Santa Picture Gift Swap

This is my first blogging Christmas and thanks to the hard work and dedication of Bee, at Bee’s Musings, I received an invitation to join in on the “Secret Santa Can Suck It” picture gift swap.
Out of the hat came a fellow blogger’s name I had never heard of before, but I was excited to learn all I could to search for the perfect gift to give.

So I put on my hiking boots and headed out to Bum Fuque Egypt where this blogger resides. It didn’t take long to find my blogger, once I was in the Hillbilly sticks I asked directions and was told to follow the empty beer cans and they’d lead me right to the asshole. (BTW … this has already become an adventure for me. Just visiting my Secret Santa recipient has influenced my blogging style … two curses in the same paragraph is a new record for me.)

I learned quickly that my new blogger friend was in desperate need of help. From the far side of the chicken coop I witnessed a crafty old fox, a wounded duck and a maniacal woman with a gun. I hit the dirt and snake-crawled back to my computer.

I have got to come up with the perfect gift for a lady that calls herself an asshole, has a welcoming song on her blog about an asshole, loves sushi, loves vampires and shoots guns. DUCK!!! … No seriously, get up, she’s not here … but …I did decide on the perfect gift thanks to that DUCK!! WAIT! COME ON PEOPLE GET UP! I told you she's not here.


Meet Sassy … from none other than … Sassy & Opinionated. Sassy, right now is in the middle of a crisis. There’s a fox visiting her henhouse. Worst of all, the damn fox attacked and wounded her duck. This fox is very smart and has escaped the crosshairs of Sassy’s gun.

My Secret Santa gift to Sassy is a masterful plan, along with the backup needed to rid her of this fox. I’ve hired a team of specialists and spent time and money developing a master plan.

THE TARGET … MR. FOX


Michael? No … not that one.


Wait, yes! Hmmmm. Vivica? No. Sorry.

That's him! Caught in the act by one of our field photographers on our surveillance team, cleverly disguised so not to arouse suspicion.



THE DECOYS

Our wounded duck is currently in the hospital ...
... being cared for by the distinguished Dr. Quack

THE PLAN

The plan is to substitute a decoy in the barn …

We will also use a fake Dr. Quack. Again … so not to arouse suspicion.

Our professionally trained team members are strategically positioned in the field and are on high alert.







THE TRAINING

Be assured … Lots of preparation has gone into this operation, including and not limited to role playing techniques and battlefield advice from the distinguished General Fox Terrier.


Once the target is spotted we will spare no effort to complete our mission.
Air support will be brought in to dispose of the culprit and life will once again be good.



THE GIFT ... A SAFER HOMESTEAD

Sassy, don’t fear. All the horses, sheep, dogs, cats, chickens and “Ducky” will someday soon be safe from Mr. Fox.
So put down your gun, pop open a beer and gather the family to sing some asshole songs.
Your Secret Santa will take care of everything.

Oh ...I also got you a stocking stuffer.
Offering Rodney and Carrington songs on your blog like "Letter to My Penis" ...
I thought you might like to listen to something similar but different.
Turn up your speakers and ... Enjoy!



"Wishing a very joyful Merry Christmas to Sassy and her Family"
... Practically Joe

Hey! If you like to see what my Secret Santa gave to me ... CLICK HERE!

162 comments:

Queen Goob said...

HEY.....come check out my secrest santa gift swap!

Queen Goob said...

LOL.....You QUACK me UP!

Merry Christmas, Joe....this was the most fun I've had all week!

SassyandOpinionated said...

Joe, I have to say "Thanks" I love my gift. It actually maded me laugh so hard my tummy hurts. Ducky says "Quank You"!

Sassy

Jaime said...

That was great! Perfect gifts for Sassy

Bee said...

That was hilarious! Great job. :o)

I love the detachable penis!!

Uh, the song I mean.

Practically Joe said...

Queen Goob: "LOL.....You QUACK me UP! Merry Christmas, Joe....this was the most fun I've had all week!"
me: Queenie ... I just loved the Secret Santa stuff you got for me. You're the best!

To see what I got CLICK HERE!

Practically Joe said...

Sassy & Opinionated: "Joe, I have to say "Thanks" I love my gift. It actually maded me laugh so hard my tummy hurts. Ducky says "Quank You"!
me: Sassy, it was great reading your blog and getting to know you. I'm happy you had fun with it. I will add your blog to my reader and come visit you again.

Jaime: "That was great! Perfect gifts for Sassy"
me: And my wife says I don't know how to shop!

Bee: "That was hilarious! Great job. :o) ... I love the detachable penis!! ... Uh, the song I mean."
Me: Of course. Bee. Of course.

nursemyra said...

I think that's the same Dr Quack that worked as a locum at the gimcrack last year

musing said...

Wow, you could start your own business, now, and be a Professional Fox Remover!

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Great gift. Your logistical skills are amazing!

And I think the dude singing the song is kind of cute--but I'd prefer him with his penis.

Megan said...

Great job with this! Jeez the blogworld is full of clever, funny people!

scarlet-blue said...

Always good to have a plan Joe... now what am I doing....?
Sx

catscratch said...

OMG... two bad, naughty words in one paragraph????

I think this is a super cool idea!!

Merry Christmas, Joe!

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