Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Let's Talk

"Come on, Luke Three, aren’t you hungry?"
"Honey, he’s not going to answer you."
Since the kids have moved out, we have decided that it’s difficult enough to just take care of me, so we both agreed … No Pets.
That didn’t stop my wife from bringing home “Luke Three”. He, or she, is a Beta fish. Oh, yes, there was “Luke” and “Luke Two”. My wife still calls this latest one “Luke Two”. I argued, there was already one. She said there were three others. Then one was missing. It may have been named “Luke One” … and if it had been “Luke One”, then which one would just plain “Luke” be?
Technically, “Luke” would be “Luke One” as well, right? I was so confused.
She finally put me straight … there was “Luke” and all that followed would be named “Luke Too”.
Welcome to my marriage!
Anyway … how she names our fish isn’t the point.
The point I’m making is this … she talks to it.
When she taps the top of the tank and shakes in some food, Luke responds by rising to the top to eat. Luke never utters a word back.

"Paulie! Furio! Nana and Papa are here. Come say hello."
Our youngest one and her husband have cats.
They always converse with their cats, as most cat owners do.
Nana, my wife, talks to them too.
"Paulie … ah, here’s the big boy."
"Furio … Where are you? Come give Nana a kiss."
Paulie is … the bigger boy … but Furio … never gives her a kiss. Cats hardly ever do what they’re told.
The cats respond more to the sound of their box of food being shaken than any words you say to them. You shake … they come. Other than a “meow” Paulie and Furio never utter a word.

"Chief, sit! Chief, stay!"
Our second-born (by six minutes) and her husband own a dog. His name is Chief.
"Chief, speak!"
“Rrrrrrrrrruff!”
Okay. We’re moving a little further up the intelligence ladder here.
There’s only one way I can think of when we’d actually hear a recognizable and appropriate word come out of Chief’s mouth … tell Chief to speak, after asking him how conversations go between Papa and Nana.
Other than the word “rough” (and Chief spells it wrong) … they always talk to him and Chief never utters a word.

"Lucia, what are you trying to say. Please repeat that. "
Our first-born (by six minutes) and her husband gave us our first grandchild.
Her name is Lucia.
We all talk to Lucia and at seventeen-months-old she is beginning to talk back to us. We can understand a word or two but the communications between us are a bit frustrating to say the least. Her Nana’s conversational skills and Italian mannerisms definitely stand out.
We talk to Lucia and Lucia utters a few back to us. We just wish we understood her. Check out this “father-daughter conversation …

36 comments:

The Youngest One said...

Awww Look at my boys :)
I talk to them every morning at 3:30 am when they wake me up to eat and I say "Why are you trying to ruin mommy's life?"
Recently Don yelled at Paulie when he knocked down the Christmas clock and he said "Why are you trying to ruin daddy's Christmas!"

Anonymous said...

A dog saying RRRRRUUUUUFFF is moving further up the intelligence ladder? Is this the same ladder you fell off of?

The cats you speak of know how slam doors to get our attention so we installed door stops that mount on the hinges of the door. He now has figured out that these are what won't allow him to slam the door some he know chews on them......

Pretty smart if you ask me.

just bob said...

I talk to my computer and my television, do they count as pets now?

Megan said...

Um, hi Joe!!!

Megan said...

"I need you to be more specific."

The background music is killing me, I'm laughing so hard!

beeeeeeeee said...

Did you know that cats only "meow" at humans - they don't make that particular noise to any other creature. I learned that completely useless fact when I volunteered at an animal shelter where I talked with hundreds of cats and dogs.

None of them talked as much as Lucia... wow - she is adorable!

mumma boo said...

She's desperately trying to convey that her baby doll is talking to the trees. At least that's what my two year old son tranlsator told me. Lucia is all kinds of cute! Happy New Year to you and yours!

Frogs in my formula said...

Love the video and commentary. She is such a hand talker--it's too cute. But geez, she is trying SO hard to communicate I worried she'd bust a gut!

Happy New Year.

Leah said...

That is brilliantly funny. Lucia is a formidable onscreen presence--laugh-out-loud adorable!

nursemyra said...

aw.. she's so cute - just like grandad :-)

Mike said...

OK I have teenagers and I still have a hard time understanding them. Communication gaps are universal...

Practically Joe said...

The Youngest One: "I talk to them every morning at 3:30 am when they wake me up to eat."
Dad Good ... You need the practice.

Anonymous: "A dog saying RRRRRUUUUUFFF is moving further up the intelligence ladder? Is this the same ladder you fell off of?"
me Smart-ass Punk!

Just Bob: "I talk to my computer and my television, do they count as pets now?"
Just Me: Technically pets.

Megan: "The background music is killing me, I'm laughing so hard!"
me: Credit for that goes to my talented Son-in-law.

Beeeeeeeee: "Did you know that cats only "meow" at humans"
Meeeeeeeee: Us sane humans only meow at cats.

mumma boo: "She's desperately trying to convey that her baby doll is talking to the trees. At least that's what my two year old son tranlsator told me."
me: Finally ... we have an expert. Can we rent him?

frogs: "She is such a hand talker--it's too cute."
me: That's definitely the Italian in her.

Leah: "Lucia is a formidable onscreen presence."
me: She does seem to like front and center ... a real natural.

nursemyra: "aw.. she's so cute - just like grandad :-)"
me: Nursie ... you really know when to say the right thing.

Mike: "OK I have teenagers and I still have a hard time understanding them."
Me:Yep ... That's a whole other different language ... Good luck with that.

Momo Fali said...

The "Luke" thing is brilliant! We have nine fish and they all have different names (thanks to the kids). I can't keep them all straight.

catscratch said...

Heh... she eas being perfectly clear!!! Whatta doll!!!

We are on our 3rd Beta too. The last one froze.

Malicious Intent said...

I just talk to myself....it limits the number of confusing moments and I am usually the only one who listens to myself...except for the snake...I am pretty sure he listens.

My husband made a rare appearance tonight and posted a blog...not so happy. I think mine has more spunk. You be the judge.

Cleaning house soon with blogs that don't show love back and handing out awards soon. Make sure you pick up the place and do some dusting, you never know who M.I. will be picking next.

VE said...

I am now petless. Seems odd but it is a lot less work and worry just the same.

B-Dog said...

You remind me of how I used to torment my roommate's dog by grabbing his head and saying "What's going on in here? Nothin'! There's nothin' going on in this head at all!"

I highly recommend this practice; being condescending to a dog definitely does wonders for one's ego.

Malicious Intent said...

I practically have a gift for you. Hurry and go get it. No telling what will happen to it if it is left laying around practically unsupervised!

HappyHourSue said...

Furio and Paulie after The Sopranos? I love it! We name our guinia pigs 'Coco" over and over, with no numbering system. Just like it's the same animal and like no one ever threw it down the playground slide to an untimely death.

Drafting With No Direction said...

Pets are the best because they never talk back to you and give you peace of mind.

Malach the Merciless said...

Women are insane

Malicious Intent said...

Malach's can be killed with bug spray.

jay said...

We have outdoor goldfish - I guess over the years we've had about fifteen or so. They've all been called Morris, except we did have a strange shubunkin at one time who was known as 'Maurice', pronounced the French way, because he looked kind of foreign.

Cats only meow at people? That's the second time I've heard that claim recently. I shall have to check that out.

Practically Joe said...

momo fali: "The "Luke" thing is brilliant!"
me: Thanks for noticing.

catscratch: "We are on our 3rd Beta too. The last one froze."
me: Keep it out of the freezer ... it'll stay fresher that way.

malicious: "I am usually the only one who listens to myself...except for the snake...I am pretty sure he listens."
me: Has the snake ever had a hissy fit when talking with you?

VE: "I am now petless."
ME: I have a rock I'll send you.

B-Dog: "being condescending to a dog definitely does wonders for one's ego."
me: Yelp ... sometimes I'm my wife's dog.

Happy Hour Sue: "Furio and Paulie after The Sopranos? I love it!"
me: That is correct! My daughter and her husband and my wife and I always watched it together. We had our own little "familia".

Drafter: "Pets are the best because they never talk back to you and give you peace of mind."
me: Yeah, but, I don't like the crapping, pissing and shedding ... they give you that too.

malach: "Women are insane"
me: We are in agreement.

Jay: "We have outdoor goldfish ... They've all been called Morris, except one who was known as 'Maurice', pronounced the French way, because he looked kind of foreign."
Joe: If you ever get one that slaps the others around and has a bowl style haircut ... you can call him Moe.

Coffee Bean said...

Isn't she precious!!!

Thank you for your comment on my blog! Apparently, the freezing showers are well worth it if you end up with one of these cuties!

nursemyra said...

hey joe - it's 2009 now. when are you going to post again?

RhondaLue said...

That is about the funniest thing I've ever seen. LUCIA HAS SO MUCH TO SAY!!! and you're right about the italian mannerisms. Ya can't hide that for sure!!

The Offended Blogger said...

OK that was officially THE most adorable thing ever posted on a blog and I am only half way through it. :)

Practically Joe said...

Coffee Bean: "Thank you for your comment on my blog!"
Me: I just want to tell you I freekin love your BLOG! You shot right up there with my absolute favorites.

NurseMyra: "hey joe - it's 2009 now. when are you going to post again?"
Me: Stop being so pushy! I just caught up commenting on about 500 posts. I think I came by yours a couple of times.
Can't get enough of me, huh? ;>)

RhondaLue: "you're right about the italian mannerisms. Ya can't hide that for sure!!"
Me: Tie her hands behind her back ... quiets her right up.

The Offended Blogger: "OK that was officially THE most adorable thing ever posted on a blog"
Me: Chelle B. ... That is nice of you to say. Thanks for stopping by.

Queen Goob said...

Luke 624 is a boy....girls don't have the fancy fins. Or is it Luke 625 because Luke the first one wasn't Luke One but rather just Luke. Or was Luke One really Luke One so it would make this one Luke 624 and not 625......

UGH!!!

Queen Goob said...

...I love my dog...and my two cats...and my pig...

just bob said...

...I love my dog...and my two cats...and my pig...

QG... are they named Luke as well?

Practically Joe said...

Queen Goob: "Luke 624 is a boy....girls don't have the fancy fins."
Joe OMG! Don't feed such statements to my wife and get her started. You just don't know!

Queen Goob said...

Bob....they're Hans, OB, and Buns-Stick-To-The-Side-Of-My-Head

Joe....do tell

SSC~ The Domestic Diva said...

I love the video she is a doll!

Sugee Andersyn said...

Not sure if I already commented but that vid is the best! And I just realized your header... HILARIOUS!! So wise!! Well, practically. :)