The Seven Wonders of Joe

A few days ago I was tagged with a meme by FrogMama of Frogs in My Formula. Usually I avoid these like the plague. Well, not really. I was asked once before and played along. I’m such a pushover. I’m to divulge seven random things about me, Practically Joe.

It’s about time you knew … so here goes.

I always have at least 67 cents in my pocket.
Whenever I leave the house, in my right pocket you would find two quarters, one dime, one nickel and two pennies. Why? I’m not sure.
I don’t always come home with them, so it sometimes makes it difficult the next day to replace them. I tried unsuccessfully one time to get through the day with an extra quarter instead of a nickel after scouring the closet, turning pockets inside out and rifling through my wife’s purse. Couldn’t do it. I had to stop and make change at a local convenience store.

For years, I had to wear a wig.
It was a short hair wig. I wore it during the early seventies. I wore it one weekend a month. I tucked my long hair into a nylon stocking and then under the wig. I wore it until I was ordered by my Lieutenant to remove it from my head. I had to cut my hair that day or end up in National Guard prison.

I’m afraid of giraffes.
I don’t like them. They’re scary. They’re not cute. If you don’t believe me you will have to check this out …
The Truth about Giraffes

I had a heart attack over the telephone.
I was in New York on a business trip.
My wife was home in Massachusetts.
I was feeling ill and retreated to my hotel room. I called my wife to tell her I wasn’t feeling well. She said it sounded like I was having a heart attack. I passed out and had one.
Luckily she had the smarts to hang up and call back to notify the front desk.

I wrote three weekly columns for a newspaper.
One of the columns was about family life. I wrote a lot about my daughters. It was torture for them. They hated that I always wrote stories that caused them embarrassment. I was constantly in the doghouse.
I learned my lesson and now mostly write about my wife.
"Uh-uh honey … For better or for worse."

I have an extraordinary talent of solving word puzzles.
I do quiptoquotes in pen. I should probably work for the government deciphering secret codes. I’m also amazing with word jumbles. I solve them in nanoseconds. Check this out …
ncaphis … spinach
natabylltb … blatantly
pnoanidtesmitp … disappointment
Am I fn great at this or what!

Lastly …

I enjoy getting manicures.
Look … The word “man” is right there in front. If that’s not enough for you, break it down … “manic” and “cures”.
There you go … cures manic. It’s therapeutic.
But, there was this "one" problem. I was running out of salons to go to in the neighborhood. I’d been asked not to return in about 15 different Asian dialects.
I can’t help myself. Once they get to the part where they massage my hands, the first finger they pull I always make a farting noise. Don’t Asian dads play that with their kids? I was having to tip really big to get a second appointment.
I’ve been a record three times to Leilie, my current manicurist. She gets me. When I walk in the door she says to all her fellow workers … “hei tawndah sing-song sing song faw ding-ling bwoooomp”… and they all smile and giggle. Then when the time comes, she announces … ”I pull fingers now.” … and they all join in … ”bwoooomp!”

So there you have it!
I'm practically an average Joe!